Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Friday, March 31, 2006

This site linked to me yesterday and I have been thoroughly entertained. It's got some fun stuff.

Today they have this link on there to where you can make your own ad for Chevy Tahoe. So you can imagine not all of them have been too pro-Chevy Tahoe. I just made mine. It was fun. I like my music choice.

Anybody out there really like Cumin?

So I got home from work this morning and decided to cook me up some chili all up in my Crock pot I got for Christmas. I have made chili about five times since I've had it, so I pretty much know the recipe. Once I added in everything, I get to the spices. I grab the Cumin and the chili powder. Three tablespoons of chili powder and one teaspoon of Cumin. So I take the chili powder and put in three tablespoons. Then I grab the Cumin and realize it's the chili powder. I just put three tablespoons of motherfucking Cumin in my chili. I will know how it tastes in nine to eleven hours.

Anyway, if you really like Cumin, party at my house.

I think I was distracted by thinking about a shitty morning I had at work, and also The Price is Right. Gosh darn, I love that show. Bob Barker is so funny. The other day this dumb girl gets up there and has the chance to win A NEW CAR! After they announce what kind of car it is, she is looking to the audience for advice. Then she asks Bob, "What kind of car is it again." And he tells her whatever it was, a Ford Festiva or something. Then she asks one more question about the new car, "What year is it?" So Bob Barker looks at her and says, "What year is it? It's a 1996." I laugh, most people in the audience laugh, but the dumb girl turns back to the audience for more advice. She finally realizes she was an idiot. I think she lost. I forget. I hope she lost.

Going on The Price Is Right is on my list of things to do before I die. Well, scratch that. It's on a special list. Here it is:

Things to do in my life before Bob Barker dies

  • Go on The Price Is Right before Bob Barker dies.

That's it. I would be really disappointed though, if I went and I or someone I went with didn't get called down. You obviously have to impress someone before the show starts. In case you think it's all random selection, it's not. There is a disclaimer at the end of the show that says contestants are chosen prior to the show. Of course they don't know it until they get called down.

So to get chosen, you need to be one of the following:

- Someone on a family reunion. You must have matching t-shirts saying so.
- A cute little college girl/tall, handsome college guy on vacation with your sorority/frat/athletic team. You must be wearing matching t-shirts.
- A borderline senile white haired woman from a Midwest state. You must be wearing a t-shirt that says something about Bob Barker.
- A fat, excited black lady. It doesn't matter what kind of shirt you wear, as long as your boobies bounce like mad as you make your way down.

Then there is the wild card. The person who gets chosen who is not in a huge group with matching t-shirts. I think that's where I would be. I have spent much time thinking what kind of shirt I would wear. I would like for it to be very clever, but not offensive. I would like to wear a shirt that says, "It's my birthday and I have cancer." But I don't think they'll let me in with that one on. I tried to use that at an Orioles game to get a baseball at the end of the game, but it didn't work. I was really drunk.

Oh well. If I had comments on this blog, here is where I would say, "What would YOU put on a t-shirt if you were going to be on The Price Is Right?" But I don't have comments, so keep it to yourself!

Bye bye bloggy buddies.

George Mason should change their name to the George Mason Bracket Fuckers.

Man, fuck, right? I used to blog all the time, and lately all I really want to do is put a bullet in its head 'cause it's got a broken leg.

I think the second part of that sentence would be a good rap lyric. Feel free, young, black, fledgling rap star to take that line. Just thank me in the liner notes. Motherfucker.

I've thought of lots to blog about lately, but haven't had the will to put it on the page.

The biggest news I have to report is that I got HBO. I called up about three hours before The Sopranos came on. It was a wise investment. Made even wiser by the fact that the first movie I saw when I was scrolling through all of the HBO's was Chronicles of Riddick. Fuck yeah! Then they had on Weekend at Bernie's 2. Fuck yeah 2!

I was on an airplane last week coming back from Atlanta. We left the gate and started taxiing (weird word to see written) on the runway, and this old lady a couple of rows in front of me starts puking. We haven't even taken off yet, so she is basically getting car sick. On a plane.

Mind of Mencia. Does anybody watch this show? Don't answer that if you do.

Donald Trump named his baby Barron William Trump. I have never wanted to beat up a baby so bad in my life.

Hm. Oh, so this dude named Lex donated to the AIDS Walk and took me up on my offer of blogging about whatever you tell me to.

Anyway, I want you to blog about my name, "Lex," and what you think life must have been like for me over the past 25 years as a guy named Lex.

I imagine in elementary school, there were lots of "Lex has sex" jokes, which eventually turned to "Lex doesn't have sex" jokes in middle school and high school.

Sorry Lex, that's all I got. It is my bed time. But thanks for donating, and thanks to the other people who donated. And for those of you who didn't donate, I hope you are enjoying all of the indirect murdering you are doing.

Hey, did you know that people have AIDS? It's true. They do. Well, I am going to go on a walk and cure the fuck out of it!

I have set a lofty goal for myself, probably too lofty, but if you are nice and want to help me and some co-workers, that would be nice. So go to my page and make a donation, if your wallet will allow it. That would be nice of you. Or sign up yourself and get other people to give you money.

Here are some facts about AIDS:

-- Most people who have it are way less annoying than the assholes in RENT.
-- You don't have to be gay to get AIDS (but it helps!)
-- You can't get AIDS from a toilet seat (unless it's Halloween and you have unprotected sex with someone dressed up as a toilet seat and they have AIDS).

Don't be confused by imitations!

Please donate if you can. If you do, I will allow you to tell me what to blog about. For example, if you donate some money, you can email me and be like, "Hey Mike. I just donated. You now have to blog about pie." And I will blog about pie.

And think of it this way: If you don't donate, you are kind of a murderer.

I can watch the second part of this clip all day. And I will laugh just as heartily each and every time.

I have nothing to say to you!

I suppose I could force something out. I feel constipated. In the blogging department. Not in the pooping department. That's right on schedule.

So, um Oscars. Eh, whatever. I wasn't a fan of Crash. Very well done, great acting, overall a pretty looking movie, but the story? OK, so everyone's a racist? I hate how everyone is calling this movie "challenging." It challenges your prejudices. Really? Did it? I could have told you that people are prejudiced against black people, Hispanics, Middle-Easterners, and whatever the hell else got all prejudiced in that movie.

I haven't seen Capote or Munich yet, but my vote was for Good Night, and Good Luck. Unfortunately, the Academy still doesn't recognize my vote. And I think Michelle Williams was robbed. Robbed! I tell you! She was the best part of Brokeback Mountain. I didn't see The Constant Gardener, but I can't imagine Rachel Weisz was better. I'm sure she was good and maybe hotter, but not better.

I have nothing else to say to you!
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006