Two great things have happened to me recently. I have a really great girlfriend by the name of Tania, so that's nice. But even better than her is that I recently came into possession of a dollar bill that says "FUCKNUTS" on it.



I don't know where I got this dollar, but I didn't realize I had it until I almost spent it. I was at CVS and I was about to buy some Hot Pockets or something, when I was handing the cashier some money and saw the FUCKNUTS dollar. I took it back and started laughing, the cashier was a little confused, and I gave her a much less entertaining dollar bill.

This dollar really has made me happier than it should. It is just so entertaining. And it comes in useful. When I was coming back from Colorado, I couldn't find my driver's license so they weren't going to let me on the plane. So I was like, "Well, I don't have any identification, but I do have a dollar bill that says FUCKNUTS on it." Then I showed them the dollar bill and next thing I know, I'm sitting in first class. And JetBlue doesn't even have first class.

You know that web site, where's george? It's where people track dollar bills across the country. A fun little idea. I am thinking of starting up wheresfucknuts.com, but the only problem is that I can't seem to part with this dollar. So I would like for everyone to start writing FUCKNUTS on their dollars.

So I am now working on the overnight at my job, because I like abusing myself. So far I kind of like it, except for that last day. I want to sleep, but they say you shouldn't go to sleep so you can get back to a human schedule on your days off. Well, it's not working and I keep falling asleep and then waking up at like 4 AM. It honks.

I know I have thought of much more to blog about over these last few non-blogging weeks, but I can't think of anything right now. FUCKNUTS!

I think I might put the FUCKNUTS dollar on ebay. I could probably get at least a dollar for it.

Sorry for not blogging. My brother died.

Just kidding. I don't have a brother. But my wireless internet connection that I was stealing, THAT died.

There will be no services held. Just far less blogging.

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to:

Mike Toole Internet Connection Fund
c/o Mike Toole
miketoole (at) gmail (dot) com

Thank you for your support during this difficult time.

I was in Colorado. Get off my back.

Not to turn this blog into a dream journal or anything, but I had a fantastic dream the other night.

So I had a dream that Hitler got a job at my office. It was hilarious. It was his first day, so he was all timid and didn't really know what he was doing. I remember him having trouble operating a fax machine. But my favorite part of the dream was where I sent an email to my boss, and I distincly remember the subject line of the email. It was:

so, um, do we just call him 'Hitler'?

Then my boss wrote back that since it was his name, we could call him Hitler, but neither of us were comfortable with it.

It would be weird to work with him. No one would really want to ask Hitler what he did for the weekend. And if he seemed to be grumpy, no one would dare say something like, "Someone's got a case of the Mondays!"

Oh, Hitler.

So anyway, what else? This blog sucks, huh? Remember when it was good? Yeah, those were the days.