Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Thursday, December 06, 2007

So I went home for Thanksgiving. As I was leaving the Cleve, it was raining. It stopped raining about ten minutes away. The weather was perfect for the entire weekend. During the drive back, it started sleeting pretty much as soon as we saw the Welcome to Ohio sign. Not only that, but the sign slapped me in the face with its dick! Which begs the question, why give a sign a penis? And one so large?

Oh well. That's Ohio.

One thing I am not crazy about is this Christmas celebration they have downtown. When I moved here last year, I was excited about this shit. I thought it would be comparable to the Rockefeller ice rink. But no. It is basically a place for the homeless to take shits in a more festive atmosphere.

One of my favorite things about Christmas in New York was going to Rockefeller Center after work. It's crazy to go there at night, but I was leaving work at 3:00, so it wasn't too nuts. It was just fun to watch fat kids fall and whatnot.

I also flew to and fro Jersey this past weekend for my nephew's christening. My nephew, by the way, is cuter than anything you have ever seen. My mom has even told me and my other sister that there is no way to produce a better child, so we shouldn't try (not with each other, you sick bastards). Anyway, on the flight out, the lady came by with the drink cart. She and the other flight lady happened to be black. I tell her that I would like coffee. She asks me if I want cream or sugar and I decline. So she says, "You take it black?" It took every common sense bone in my body to fight every other bone and not say, "Yes. I take it black. Like my flight attendants."

I received an email forward the other day that warned me not to flash my lights at cars driving with their headlights on, because it might be a gang member initiation and they will kill me. My fix to that little pickle is that I kill anyone who is driving with their lights off. You can't be too safe, people.

Going back to this whole Tania has killed my blog thing. I don't believe it. I think it has more to do with not living in New York. See, when I lived in New York, there were at least seven bloggable things per day during my commute. Moving to Hoboken, which was almost the same exact time Tania and I met, changed things. My commute no longer involved the subway. The subway is the key to a successful blog.

Exhibit A -- the last time I blogged about the subway was right before I went to Chicago, where Tania and I met.

Exhibit B -- I still need to have a Riding the Bus With My Sister party.

Exhibit C -- I just read this shit and was like, Damn, I used to be so funny! But no, it's New York that was funny. Not me. That guy had a beer in his pocket.

And there is more, but I will stop. Except for this one. This has to be my most favorite thing I have ever witnessed on the subway.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006