Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Saturday, April 30, 2005

There is this ad in the subway for a law firm that takes on malpractice cases. It has a picture of a baby on it and it says, "We fight for kids with brain damage." The baby in the picture is this little black kid with drool coming out of its mouth. I think drool is the first symptom of brain damage. That and googly eyes. Anyway, the other day, I was passing one of these ads, and I noticed that someone had crossed out the word "for", so it read, "We fight kids with brain damage." I got a big chuckle out of that one. I couldn't stop picturing a bunch of lawyers beating the drool out of that little baby.

Speaking of brain damage...

I noticed a new link on my sitemeter recently, and boy oh boy, am I glad I did. Because it brought me to this. A movie called "Riding the Bus With My Sister," presented by the Hallmark Hall of Fame. It is apparently based on a true story. Go to the CBS site and watch the preview. Do it now. NOW!

Rosie O'Donnell's agent must have brain damage for letting her do this. Everyone involved in this must have brain damage. In fact, I'm convinced that the smartest person involved in this entire movie is the retarded lady that it is based on.

You've got Andie MacDowell, who is just an awful actress. And then you've got Rosie O'Donnell, who has probably never played a character other than one described as "tough-talking" and "no-nonsense." And now she's playing a retarded gal who has a bad perm and apparently likes to ride the bus. And she has a bit of a Brooklyn accent.

So here is what Rosie is doing to portray a retard (based on the preview and a couple of the clips I've watched):

-- stick out lower jaw and smile
-- look up when you talk to others to portray a childlike innocence
-- talk loud (for Rosie, this is really fucking loud)
-- act like you normally do, just... a little more retarded
-- and oh yes, of course the key to being a convincing retarded person, put your hands together kind of like you have no control over them.


And different colored shoelaces!!! What a retard!

Oh man, I can't stop watching the preview. I like the first part of the voiceover where it says, "Rachel is beautiful and successful..." And then they show Rosie and I want him to say, "And her sister is this retard that kind of looks like Rosie O'Donnell..."

You must watch this on Sunday night. You must! Here is a drinking game for Riding the Bus With My Sister:

Every time you think to yourself, "I can't believe they actually made this movie," drink.

You will be wasted in 11 minutes.

And rounding out the stellar cast is...

A white guy with a hatred for completely buttoning his shirt!

Also, a black guy that wears a helmet!

He is starring in a spin-off of this movie, called "Riding the Bike With My Helmet."

If I had known about this movie earlier, I would have had a "Riding the Bus With My Sister" party. Maybe in the future I will. Everyone must come dressed as their favorite character. I predict lots of different color shoelaces and a few bike helmets. And lots and lots of laughter. And jokes about retarded people. And maybe if things go just right, we'll beat up a baby with brain damage.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006