Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Oh man, long time, right? So much has happened since I last blogged. Haiti, the Olympics, health care, Chile this morning. A lot to talk about. But let's talk about killer whales.

My guess is that whale would have killed way more people if he could have. But the last person he killed was a homeless person. He probably had some of that and was like, "Oh man, people taste like shit!"

Anyway, I feel bad for that lady. But you know, she died doing what she loved doing. She died like she lived: getting murdered by whales.

Died like he/she lived. When is that ever appropriate? I guess maybe for skydivers who die skydiving or something. But for most people, it will never apply. Like for me, I hope I never die at my desk at work, because people will say, "He died like he lived: working on press releases." I once blogged about a dude that died on a conference call, and how awful that would be. He died like he lived: listening to a conference call and wishing he was dead.

What else? So, the Olympics. I like the Winter Olympics. But I hate the jumping back and forth they do for the broadcast. When they are like, "Here's twenty minutes of short track speed skating (awesome). We'll get back for the final race, but first, here's an hour of ice dancing (opposite of awesome)." It would be like watching, say, Arrested Development. Then there's a commercial, and when they come back from commercial, Bob Costas is sitting there with his dick face, and he says, "We'll get you back to Arrested Development in a bit, but first, here are three episodes of Two and a Half Men, and a classic episode of America's Funniest People."

I was at the West Side Market this morning, and was purchasing something from somewhere. Right behind me was where I was going to purchase some ground sirloin. While buying whatever I was buying, I heard this conversation between the three dudes working at the sirloin place:

Dude 1: Dude, did you know that Ryan is thirty?
Dude 2: Dude, I know. It's insane.
Dude 3: Shut the fuck up. Thirty?
Dude 1: Yeah, man. Fucking crazy.
Dude 3: Holy shit.

This made me sad. Go back and replace "is thirty" with "has AIDS". That would have made me feel better about the conversation. Needless to say, I didn't buy my ground sirloin from a bunch of ageists. I will take my $3.49 elsewhere, thank you very much.

OK, that's all.

Oh, I will once again plug my Twitter page. You get fairly often, not very funny updates.

Oh, this post is dedicated to Boner from Growing Pains. Here is an old post of mine where I mention the word "boner" seven times.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006