Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Lozo asked me three questions, then thought his questions sucked and asked me three more. I will answer three of the six.

1. Would you take a bullet for Bob Barker?

My initial answer is yes, of course. But then I realize that he is old and will probably die soon, so I shouldn't take his bullet, right? I guess it would depend on the situation, you know? It would be a spur of the moment thing. So Dave, please somehow get me and Bob Barker in the same room together, then without warning me, shoot him. Then we'll see if I take a bullet for Bob Barker.

2. On your first day on your new job in Cleveland, would you please consider wearing this shirt and have pictures taken of it?

I am not answering.

3. Please describe what you consider to be the perfect date. Wait, that's not a question. What do you consider to be the perfect date? (I'm just looking for answer that's more than yes or no)

This is the gayest question I could imagine, especially coming from Dave. In fact, this question shocked me in how innocent and twelve-year-old-girl-esque it was. It really made me wonder what was happening to Lozo... but then he asked the next question.

4. where is the strangest place you've ever ejaculated? interpret place anyway you'd like.

That's more like it, Lozo! But I am not answering, you sicko.

5. if you had to pick one, how would you rather die -- be set on fire or drown?

I already kind of answered this question in a previous three questions.

For those too lazy to click on that link, but still want to know, here you are. (This question was asked a day after the tsunami and soon after that lady had her baby stolen from her womb.)

Can you think of a worse way to die than being sucked into a giant tidal wave? (perhaps burning, but that is up for debate)

I do think that burning would be worse. We can debate this tomorrow at work. Actually, there are many worse ways than drowning in a tidal wave, but when it happens to more than 20,000 people at once, well that's just fucked. But I can still imagine worse ways, like being strangled and then having your baby cut from your womb. Imagine that happened to 20,000 people at once. That would probably the worst tragedy of all time.

6. if you could win a championship in any major pro sport (nfl, nhl, mlb, nba) by making the winning play, which would it be?

This is a good question, because I think any guy who likes sports has asked himself this question many times.

Well, let's see. I don't really like basketball, so that's out. Plus, I am afraid of black people, and I imagine there would be a lot of black people hugging me, so that's out.

I love football and I love playing football, but for some reason, I don't think I would choose it. If I did though, I would want to return an interception for a touchdown in overtime.

I have to believe that every boy in America at some point has imagined hitting a home run in the bottom of the ninth of game 7 in the World Series. Every boy. I am convinced. It would be awesome. Or throwing a perfect game in game 7, hitting a home run for your team, and winning 1-0. That'd be pretty sweet. And then you die right on the mound right after the last pitch. That last part is just mine. It would be super dramatic. You'd be in all the papers.

Then there is hockey. It would have to be game 7 in overtime. And it would have to be a dramatic, Bobby Orr kind of goal. No lucky bounce or redirection kind of shit. And I'd have to be playing for the Rangers in MSG. Imagine doing that in Anaheim or Nashville? No one would notice.

So it's baseball vs. hockey. The one thing that will put hockey over any other sport every time is the Stanley Cup. Factor that in and it's always going to be hockey. So that's my answer. Hockey. It's a shame that no one watches hockey anymore and it will probably be obsolete in ten years. Oh well.

Oh, and when I get to have the Stanley Cup for the day, well, you'd probably get your answer to number 4.

And I guess, technically, I really only answered two questions. Hm. Well, let me tell you about what would not be my perfect date. I was once out on a date with a nice gal and we had been out a few times before. We had a lull in the conversation and she kind of sighed and said, "I wish your blog was here."

It looks much worse in writing than it actually was. But still, it made me jealous that my blog could probably get more action than me.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006