My first three questions are from my co-worker, Gena, who does not work on Mondays and is emailing from the comfort of her apartment.

1 - How did your sister like the Jessica Simpson perfume after all that torture?

My sister was pleased that she got the perfume, but my story of how I was humiliated by numerous perfume retailers seemed to be more enjoyable to her than any other gift she received.

2 - Can you think of a worse way to die than being sucked into a giant tidal wave? (perhaps burning, but that is up for debate)

I do think that burning would be worse. We can debate this tomorrow at work. Actually, there are many worse ways than drowning in a tidal wave, but when it happens to more than 20,000 people at once, well that's just fucked. But I can still imagine worse ways, like being strangled and then having your baby cut from your womb. Imagine that happened to 20,000 people at once. That would probably the worst tragedy of all time.

3 - How hot is the office today?

Surprisingly not very. It's kind of chilly. You know how normally I take my pants off around noon? Not today.

Speaking of not wearing pants, Bill, who is also a co-worker not working today, decided to email me questions. See, this is what we do at my job. We love each other so much that even when we aren't working next to each other, we still email and check on everyone's well-being.


(1) What is your favorite movie directed by Savage Steve Holland? How I Got Into College (1989) , One Crazy Summer (1986) or Better Off Dead (1985)

I've never seen the College one, so between the other two, Better Off Dead is the clear winner. With lines like,

"Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that" and the whole Howard Cosell thing. Hands down. The only thing One Crazy Summer had going for it was Bobcat Goldthwait and the always underappreciated Tom Villard. Shit! I just checked his imdb profile and found out he died in 1994. Damn. No wonder he hasn't been in much lately. He was a funny guy. Remember that show "We Got It Made"? Awesome.

(2) How did the Jessica Simpson perfume go over as a gift?

See above. I did forget to mention in the original story about the one guy in Macy's who laughed at me and then pointed and said, "It's over in front of that sign." I went over to where he pointed and saw Paris Hilton's perfume. This guy sure doesn't know his dumb blonde celebrities. That's when another guy told me they didn't have it and pointed me across the street to Sephora, which was where I finally found it. I asked the girl there, "Is there some sort of Jessica Simpson perfume?" And she replied back, very unenthusiastically, "Oh, there most certainly is."

(3) Does it anger you that I am at home sitting around in my boxers playing xbox while you are at work?

It doesn't anger me so much, but it kind of creeps me out. I'm doing the same thing here, just sans Xbox.