Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

So yesterday I could have punched John Kerry in the face. And right after I did that, I could have gotten the shit beat out of me by the Secret Service.

As you probably know, Kerry was on the Letterman show last night. As I was leaving work, his motorcade had just pulled up. I saw it from my office window and tried to race downstairs. I had my real camera on me, so I hoped to get some good shots. I got there and he was already inside, so I hung outside the Ed Sullivan Theatre for a while. I ended up staying way longer than I wanted to.

After a long wait, John was done with the show and came out. There were a lot of people yelling and hoping he'd come over to shake hands. Earlier in the day, my battery light on my camera said it was full. About 20 minutes before he came out, it was flashing, which indicates that the shit is about to die. So when John came out, it didn't appear that he was going to come over to the crowd, so I snapped a few shots from across the street. Next thing I know, John Kerry's big fucking doofy ass head is less than a foot from mine.

I was trying to take a picture, but the camera was officially dead. I was so pissed. I wasted battery life earlier because I didn't think it was an issue. So I tried using my camera phone. I was holding it up right in front of his face. He went to shake my hand, but I was like, "I got a camera in one hand and a phone in the other. Me no shaky hand." I snapped a picture with my camera phone, but then this Secret Service guy who was pushing any hands away that had things in them (people had things like pens to try and get autographs), grabbed my phone and snapped it shut.

You dick!

So that was that photo. I did get some other photos that are OK, but nothing like what I could have gotten if I had just preserved that damn battery. This was way more frustrating than missing the snowboarder fall.

He was thisclose to me. I could have punched him or slapped him or licked him or head-butted him or pulled his hair or did that thing where you go "got your nose" when in reality it would just be my own thumb but I'd pretend it was his nose or I could have done that thing where I say "What's this?" and then I put my hand behind is ear and make it look like I pulled a quarter or a nickel from behind is ear.

But I didn't. Stupid Secret Service. Those guys take their jobs way too seriously. I was like, "Dudes, why do you care so much? It's not like he's the president. He's only running for president. Big difference, assholes."

Here are some photos.

Here are just some people waiting, showing off their ability to hold up signs. That lady in the middle looks very disappointed in me.

This one is of a very annoying lady who pushed her way right up to me and squeezed her chunky butt next to mine. At one point, when we were waiting, a guy came out on the street who was under 6 feet tall, about 35-years-old, and had incredibly dark hair. This lady yells, "There he is! That's him!" Someone else said, "Where?" She said, "Right there, right? Isn't that him? With the... never mind." Sorry lady. You can see my sleeve on the right. We were visions in blue.

Here is the obligatory baby photo. Cute kid, cute sign, you better believe John Kerry picked that baby up.

This is of a car that some Secret Service guys sat in and ate pizza. It was idling for about 30 minutes. I would say that is bad environmental policy. This photo also represents more battery life wasted on a stupid photo.

Here is Mr. Kerry just as he got out of the studio. You can see him in the back there. More importantly, the guy in the foreground with the red tie is the guy who closed my phone. He has a firm grip.

Here is a shitty picture.

And finally, this is just about the only decent photo I got, which happened to be my last. You can see the possible future president picking up the baby.

There were a lot of assholes there. Every once in a while, someone would walk through the crowd and say "four more years" or something, and this one guy would just go nuts. He'd start yelling at them, "Murderer! Murderer! Why aren't you in Iraq?!?! Murderer!" Great way to get your point across.

Let's just say, for the sake of this guy, that George Bush is a murderer, which would then make every other president who has waged war a murderer. That doesn't make the people that support him murderers. Like my dad, for example. He likes Bush, but is not a murderer. It would be like a Bush supporter yelling at me, "Windsurfer! Windsurfer! Windsurfer!" You don't automatically take on the qualities of those you support.

I think I had more to say about crap that happened yesterday, but I'm going home now. Oh, here are some hilarious protestors that were there.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006