Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I've decided to stop blessing people. I mean, after sneezing. I'll still do my usual blessings for hiccups.

I had a professor back in college, and it pisses me off I can't remember his name, but he was awesome. He was kind of a prick, smart, funny, and made a great effort to challenge the class every day. He was one of the few teachers I had that really gave a damn. One day, he gave his whole reason of why saying "God bless you" after sneezing isn't necessary. Not only can I not remember his name, but I can't remember the reason he gave. But I remember thinking, Damn, saying "God bless you" is stupid.

Whenever he did sneeze in class, someone would of course bless him out of habit. And he would say, "Completely unnecessary, but thank you." I might start using that.

Being in China made me also lean towards not blessing people. When you sneeze there, no one says anything. I liked it. Took a while to get used to, but it made sense. Why not bless people after coughing? What about someone's stomach growling really loud? Should we bless that?

Anyway, my office lately is a cesspool of sneezing and coughing and SARS. And I work with a lot of people. There's just too much sneezing to be blessing. I ain't got time for that shit. So if I work with you, and you're within earshot of me, just know that I'm not going to be blessing you.

I am, however, applying random religious sayings to other bodily functions. Whenever someone farts, I'm now going to say "Lord, hear our prayer."

The best argument I have heard for saying "God bless you" comes from Milhouse:

Milhouse: When you sneeze, that is your soul trying to escape your body. Saying "God bless you" makes it go back in. Once you die it flies up to Heaven.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006