Today in China:

I ate duck blood. It wasn't as good as it sounds.

I got stuck on an elevator with two Chinese girls. They flipped their lids. We were stuck for about a minute. If it went for five minutes, I'm pretty sure they planned on killing me and using my skin as a blanket.

A homeless man patted my belly, then tried to sell me a tiny dog. I would have bought a gremlin, but I don't need a dog.

I saw a sticker on a car that I think was supposed to say "Baby On Board" but it said "Baby On Road."

I went to a restaurant that had "Braised Belly Hill Bacteria" on the menu. You haven't had bacteria until you've had it braised.