I am leaving China today. Wooo! I have had a lovely time in Beijing, but it's time to go home. Hotel living isn't for me. Man cannot survive on room service and Chinese hookers alone. I got that in a fortune cookie.



I got drunk - really, really drunk - on this crap last night. I forget what it's called. But imagine Jagermeister had sex with Satan. This would be the afterbirth. It's gross.



Wise words, China. Wise words.



I've posted this video on Facebook a million times (LITERALLY) for no reason, but now it actually makes sense.



Can't wait to get home, just in time for the most gluttonous of American days.

Sure hope my plane doesn't crash! I feel like that should be a more common saying. Like when you're going on a flight, to just say, "Can't wait to see you. Sure hope my plane doesn't crash!" Or the people who check your boarding pass. "Have a good flight. Hope it doesn't crash."

Anyway, I really hope my plane doesn't crash.