Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Monday, November 01, 2010

A few years ago, I had a long layover at some airport. I forget where. Denver, maybe? Where ever it was, it was one of those days where everyone's flight was cancelled or delayed. You know what that means... everyone's getting drunk. Every bar was absolutely mobbed.

So I was in this packed bar by myself at a table for two and this older lady came by and asked if she could join me. She sat down and we started talking. Next thing I know, she's got her hand on my crotch. Just kidding. Was just seeing if you were paying attention.

Anyway, we're talking about our respective travels. She just got back from a trip to China, where she went with a bunch of friends, and they have all parted ways at this airport. She was a woman in her late 60s/early 70s, I guess. She was from Louisiana, and had a very fancy southern accent. Not a NASCAR southern accent. But more of a Southern Belle Blanche Devereaux / Scarlett O'Hara accent (yeah, I referenced a Golden Girl before Gone With the Wind... what of it?). Not quite that extreme, but you get it.

She told me a lot about her trip, her friends, her dead husband. And at one point, she says to me, "Now, Mike, I know this is going to sound so stupid." First, I loved that she called me by my name as soon as I told her what it was. I, of course, forgot her name the instant before she told it to me. I think remembering names is like the first rule in How To Win Friends and Influence People. This is why I have no friends, nor have I influenced anyone ever. Where was I? Oh, OK, so she says (remember, fancy lady southern accent), "Now, Mike, I know this is going to sound so stupid. But all I kept thinking when I was there was, 'There are so many Chinese people."

So here I am in China, and I can safely say that her story checks out.

I don't have any crazy stories yet, but I fully intend to. Even if I have to make them up. I also intend to blog every day while I am here. So we'll see how that goes.

I will say, though, that in my day and a half here, I've found that the stereotype that Asians are bad drivers is not accurate. They are way worse than anyone has ever made them out to be. I am not planning on getting hit by a car while I'm here, but I am not NOT planning on it either. Crossing the street here is insane. If it says "Don't Walk", you'd best not walk. And if it says "Walk", you probably shouldn't walk. I'd recommend never crossing the street, if possible. If you cross the street here, and a car is heading towards you, the driver will honk the horn, but they won't slow down. It's more of a "heads up I'm about to run you over" honk. Not a "hey, get out of the way!" honk. It's a very nonchalant, "You're about to die, but I honked so consider yourself warned" honk.

Okay, I am off to bed. More tomorrow, assuming I don't get hit by a car while I'm sleeping. It could happen. I'm only on the fourth floor.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006