Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Monday, May 11, 2009

I continued my 2009 tradition of attending baseball games on holidays by going to the Indians game on Mother's Day. As I approached my seat, I thought, How nice. I will sit behind this lady who is here with her family on Mother's Day. Then I got to my seat and realized this was a dude with some very filthy hair. I am pretty sure his hair had swine flu.

It was so gross and greasy. He also had lots of dandruff. I didn't want to put my beer in the cup holder in fear that a hair or a hamster would fall out of it. It was really disgusting. I thought of maybe recommending Head & Shoulders. It would probably work better than what he currently uses, which I think is Wesson Oil & Mosquitoes.

My favorite part was this guy's granddaughter was sitting next to him and at one point she kept touching his hair. She was playing with him, kind of like bopping him on the head. I wanted to put her in a dishwasher. Anyway, later they left and had gone to the team shop, I guess, because he came back with a hat on. But while they were gone, we had some peanuts. There were some peanut shells and peanut shell dust that got on this girl's seat. She wiped it down for about a minute and looked absolutely horrified by peanut debris. Little girl, you just had your hands in hair that appears to be made of glue, SARS and Parmesan cheese. I think peanuts are okay.

Unless she was allergic to peanuts. In that case, stay away from baseball games.
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