Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Way back when, I got suckered in to subscribing to Cinemax. It was one of those deals where you get it free for a few months, but then you start paying, but I was all, "I'll cancel that shit before that happens." But I never did. So every once in a while, I watch a movie on Cinemax to make up for paying for it. (According to my friend Alberto, this is Cinemax -- "Oh, is this the channel that has movies where chicks hump guys on their belly buttons?")

Yes it is.

Anyway, the other night I watched Snakes on a Plane. Great film. If you haven't seen it, it's about these snakes that are in high school and vow to lose their virginity on spring break. They make this vow while on an airplane, hence the title.

Because I have nothing to really blog about and am just blogging for the sake of blogging (kind of like watering a plant that brings you little joy), here are some of my Netflix movie reviews:

Snakes on a Plane: Packs an emotional wallop similar to Schindler's List. But instead of the little girl in the red coat, a guy gets bit on the dick by a snake.

Rabbit Proof Fence: I haven't seen this movie, but I always think that is Kiefer Sutherland on the cover. And I think it's a movie about him being a farmer who has rabbits ruining his crops. So he gets a fence.

Rumor Has It: i have not seen this movie, but it's about a grandmother, a mother, and a daughter doing kevin costner. don't rent it.

Mannequin: Roger Ebert gave this movie half a star. He had a stroke about twenty years later. Heads up. Don't give this movie half a star.

The Last Kiss: Watching this movie was like having diarrhea for an hour and 44 minutes.

Hustle & Flow: It's like they watched my life and then put it up on the big screen. Except for the drugs, the rapping, the guns, the hookers and the black people, this is exactly like my life.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: imagine the letter "Y" in the Hollywood sign took a crap. this is what would come out.

That's all I have for you. Good day.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006