I recently volunteered at a Boys and Girls Club out here in the Cleve. It was through work, which was a very nice thing for my office to do, but the club itself was kind of unorganized. There were no real events planned while we were there. They kind of just assigned you to a room and then said, "OK, go make a difference!"

Well, I tried, but I got stuck hanging out with Coach Something Or Other. I forget his real name. Anyway, he was a nice enough guy, but didn't go out of his way to get me involved. He just started playing football with a bunch of kids while I watched from the sidelines. I tried my best to be a good volunteer. One kid got elbowed in the mouth by another kid, so I told Coach that this kid had a bloody mouth and a loose tooth. I figured there would be some sort of protocol that was followed. He said to me, "Tell him to go wash out his mouth."

Get that blood outcha mouth, kid!

So that kid eventually went back out there, and I was secretly rooting for him to knock out the other kid. But he never did. Didn't have it in him. Which I guess is good. Seemed like a nice kid.

These kids were all in the 10 - 12 age group. And in the interest of full disclosure, were also mostly black and Hispanic.

Anyway, the kid who elbowed him was not the best sport. At one point, he scored a touchdown, then ran around (while holding his dick) yelling, "Yeah, all y'all niggas ain't gonna catch me!"

So I looked at Coach, thinking he would reprimand the kid for his celebration. But he said nothing. So I grabbed the kid, pulled him aside and was like, "Look, your celebration is not appropriate. You should be saying, 'All of you African-Americans cannot catch me!'"

Kids these days.

Finally, Googling "embryonic rockabilly polka-dotted fighter pilots" has paid off. At least until NBC shuts it down.