Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

If you were driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike this past Sunday driving east to west, I just wanted to let you know that you suck at driving.

Why do people love tailgating? OK, so I am driving in the left lane at a decent speed and passing people on the right, then someone will get up all in my butt. So I see them in the rearview and say, "OK, Mr. Up My Butt, I will move to the right and let you pass because you obviously have a pregnant lady in the car or you are bringing a computer chip to Jack Bauer."

Here is the part where I get all road raged. When I move to the right and continue at the same speed, they don't pass me. This makes me crazy. They just stay at the same speed, only now, they are not dangerously close to violating my innards. But what makes this even better is when they then move into the right lane to continue the tailgating. I think I need a bumper sticker that reads, "I am not the pace car, you NASCAR loving asshole. Get out of my draft."

Anyway, while I was getting all enraged about this, it made me focus my rage on something else: Sbarro.

Why does this restaurant exist? I think I ate at one once, and I am pretty sure it was terrible. I don't really remember it, but I know it was awful. It has to be. I have heard people say they like Burger King or McDonald's, but no one has ever said "Oh man, I love Sbarro." I can't even pronounce it. The letters don't make sense. Who puts a b after an s?

I just went to their web site and apparently you can buy their sauces. Good lord. If you like your sauce bland, go here.

I always hated the fact that there would be people in the Sbarros in New York City. That would be like being surrounded by the best steakhouses in the world, then saying, "Hey, an Applebee's!"

I don't have much else to say on the topic. But Sbarro is now in the top ten of my things I hate for an arbitrary reason list. I don't know what else is on that list.

I should make a list of things I have a fear of for no reason. Here are two of them:

-- Being attacked by an animal while I am on the toilet (this animal could come from the toilet itself or just walk through the door)
-- Chinese stars

I am pretty sure the Chinese stars thing comes from watching Kung Fu on weekends as a kid. Channels 9 and 11 always had the most violent shit on. An animal armed with Chinese stars attacking me while taking a dump is my biggest fear ever.

Oh, by the way, when I say I am afraid of Chinese stars, I mean these:

Not these:

Proof of that here:

All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006