So the other night, I saw Carl "have you ever performed a sexual act at the library" Monday at a wine bar down the street. When we got there, two tables were available, but one had a reserved sign on it. I was wondering who was good enough to get that and it turns out it was Carl "you just reached out and grabbed for it and started having sex" Monday.

If you don't know him, Carl "you didn't think having sex underneath the table at the library was wrong" Monday is an investigative reporter out here in the Cleve. I figured he has to make reservations no matter where he goes, because if managers see him walking in, I would assume the natural reaction is for them to cut him off at the door and say, "No, uh uh. Get out of here."

I can't find two of my favorite Mr. Show sketches on YouTube, but if you know them, here is where I was going to post either the wishing well investigative report or the Car Wash Change Thief Action Squad. Oh well.



So I went to see Interpol last weekend and this band named Calla opened up for them.

Here is a quick list of opening bands that I have enjoyed:

The Roots, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, PJ Harvey.

Granted, those were established bands that opened for even more established bands. But I have seen opening bands that I really enjoyed but I forgot who they were.

Here is a quick list of bands that I thought were the worst things I have ever seen:

Calla.

It wasn't that they played bad music, but their singer was just so bad. He just had this tortured hipster voice about him that ruined it for the rest of us.

Anyway, if you ever want to see Interpol, they are pretty good live, but you can probably just do the following and it's kind of like seeing them live:

1. Play all of their albums on shuffle. Loud.
2. Invite people over to sing into your ear. Be sure they are drunk (the people, not your ears).
3. Give forty dollars to TicketMaster.

That's pretty much it. Not to say I didn't enjoy the show, but they were predictable, I suppose. Some songs were really fun, but they were for the most part exactly how they sound on their albums. Which isn't a bad thing, but there was no spontaneity.

The highlight of the show was actually an idiot fan who was wearing sunglasses inside. It was really dark in there, so there was no reason for sunglasses. But right from the start, we saw him and said things like, "What a douche" and "Seriously?" Anyway, when Interpol came on, this guy was jumping around like a goon and had his arms going all over the place. It was a general admission show, so there was lots of standing. He was knocking into people and seemed to have no regard for anyone else.

During the third or fourth song, he made his way to the front without excusing himself. He just crashed up there jumping and waving his arms. Security grabbed him immediately and threw him out. What was funny was that it seemed at first, he thought he was going to be brought up on stage. He started hugging the security guard as if the guard was trying to bring him up to the stage. I think he thought he was going to get to do a duet, all Springsteen / Courtney Cox style, but they were trying to throw him out.

I think I am too old for rock and roll shows these days. I get grumpy. When people yell "Woo!" during the middle of a song for no reason, I kind of want to be like, "Shut up! Show some respect! You are at a rock and roll show, for christ sakes!" I am always looking out for the sakes of christ.

When I was at Lollapalooza in 1994 (holy god I am old), there was some guy when the Beastie Boys came on who was trying to start a mosh pit amongst people who did not want to mosh. Me being one of them. He kept knocking into people and annoying everyone around him. Finally, there was some huge black dude near us, who grabbed the guy in a way that is hard to explain on a blog. But he put one hand on the guy's chest, the other on his back, kind of picked him up and then slammed him down to the ground on his back. It was probably the most awesome thing I have ever seen. I wish that black guy would be with me at all concerts. So if someone is annoying me, I can just say, "Hey Giant Black Guy, do that thing where you almost break someone's back on the ground to that guy. I love that."

Hm. So the point of this post is that I wish I had a big black guy.