Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Saturday, February 17, 2007

In honor of Presidents' Day, I had the craziest fucking dream the other night. OK, the setup kind of sucks and is not important, but the payoff is quite good.

Here's the dream. So I am watching a movie and I think I am the star of it, but I'm not really sure. But for the sake of the blog, we'll say it's me. For whatever reason, I am in a creek and I am talking to some people. We are up to our waists in the water. I have no idea what the plot of this movie is.

Anyway, at one point I am showing all of these people this new thing I invented or something. I hold it up and I start to tell them that it's called Ford's something and I named it after the theater where Abe Lincoln was shot. All of the sudden, out of the water comes the ghost of Abe Lincoln. He looks kind of old and beat up, but he's still wearing the stove pipe hat, so you know it's Honest Abe. He apparently takes offense to me naming something after the site of his death and he says to me, "Hey, that's fucked up!"

Before he is even all the way out of the water, I pull out a gun from nowhere and yell out "Fuck you, Lincoln!" And I shoot the shit out of him. I killed the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

OK, maybe it's not so great to read on the blog. But I am telling you, this shit was funny. It was really the timing. I mean, I shot him so fast without even thinking about it. And then went back to my business like nothing really happened. I guess I really hate Abe Lincoln.

Today I received the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. So you know how whenever you get a big magazine and you just randomly open to a page, it's always going to be the page that has the biggest ad? You know, like they have a little booklet or some free sample of something. Well, I open it up and there are some 3-D glasses, courtesy of GMC.

I thought to myself, "What the fuck?" They actually have swimsuit photos that are in 3-D. I thought that this was the stupidest thing they had ever done. I mean, 3-D pictures? How dumb?

So two seconds later I am sitting there with my 3-D glasses on and they actually kind of worked! Those starfish totally look like they are coming at me!

Yeah, no boobs or anything shoot at you, but surfboards and GMC truck doors kind of come off the page a little bit. Still kind of stupid, but I had to try. Then I thought that there would probably be lots of boys and men using the swimsuit issue as a masturbation helper, and imagined they would probably be doing so while wearing 3-D glasses. That made me laugh. Not as funny as shooting Abe Lincoln's ghost for no reason in a creek, but still funny.

Anyway, in case you were wondering what the stupidest thing is that they've ever done, look right here. Nice jams, dork.

Oh, so far there have been some really good suggestions on what to stick up Tim Hardaway's ass. I think my favorite so far was the fella named Scott who said, "My coworker George. Just because." Man, George must be a dick.

You should go there and suggest something! It's not too late to enter the contest! I know I never mentioned a contest before, but let's just say it's a contest. The winner will receive mention on the blog and will get an email from someone saying, "YOU AER A WINNER X4@LXXX"

If you do get that email, make sure you open it and click on whatever links are there!
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006