Hey, I have never seen a James Bond movie. Did you know that? Blame my parents, I guess. I do believe that the first one I had the chance of seeing was A View To A Kill, which I have heard is the worst Bond movie ever. I think my mom rented it or something way back when, and I started watching it. It starts off with this cool ski chase scene or something, which I watched about eight times in a row. It was awesome. But then Grace Jones and Christopher Walken started making out, which creeped me out, and that was that. The end of my Bond movie watching.

Anyway, I kind of want to see the new Bond, because I liked Daniel Craig in L4yer Cake.

So what's up? I have a sweet buzz on. The best thing I said tonight was, "Yeah, we paid a guy to rape him." Trust me, it was funny in its context. But you had to be there. You should have been there. Where were you?

Here are some guys that my girlfriend has a crush on:

Peyton Manning
Jack Bauer (not Kiefer Sutherland... just Jack Bauer)
Brett Favre
Sheriff Bullock from Deadwood
Ed Hochuli

There are more, but I forget. I can't keep track. So it's great that my girlfriend likes football, because on Sundays during football season, I know we can just chill and watch football and I won't get shit for it. However, I get jealous that she has crushes on tons of dudes. I always have to be like, "Wait, you don't have a crush on Tony Siragusa, right?" (She doesn't.)

And actually, I am OK with all of those crushes except for Peyton Manning. He's an ugly guy who always has some red shit around his lips during interviews. He looks like he makes out with a guy that has a 5:00 shadow before his interviews.

The best crush, by far, is Ed Hochuli. Any guy who watches football knows that Ed is the best referee in the history of professional sports. And he's got some serious guns.



Tonight when I was walking home, I walked past this group of girls and one of them said quite loudly, "I fucked a Middle Eastern man." I can't tell if she was ashamed or if she was boasting about her open-mindedness.

I work with this guy Geoff who I didn't realize was funny until this weekend. I have a bias against guys named Jeff who spell their name Geoff. It's queer. He has friends that make gross sounds. But anyway, here was a conversation between him and this girl named Melanie. They were talking about an executive in our company.

Melanie: He makes an insane amount of money
Geoff: How insane?
Melanie: I mean, insane. Like, six figures.
Someone else: Well, low six figures or high six figures?
Melanie: I don't know, but insane.
Geoff: Do they pay him in oranges? Because that would be insane.

That made me laugh for a while.

So anyway.