Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Monday, October 09, 2006

The other day I was watching the Mets game in a bar by me lonesome. I was with a couple of co-workers, but they had to go back to work. I didn't want to leave to go home, because I'd miss a chunk of the game. So I stayed.

A guy sat next to me and started talking about whatever. Mostly baseball, which was convenient, being that baseball was on. He was an older guy who I figured to be about 55, kind of looked like Tom Coughlin, only way less intense. We continued talking about baseball and other crap. Then, and I have no idea how this happened, he says to me, "Yeah, speaking of, my wife of 15 years just served me with papers two weeks ago."

Speaking of??? Speaking of what? I am pretty sure I was talking about Jose Reyes. Is your soon-to-be-ex-wife a speedy Dominican?

So I answered him in the best way I know how -- with a series of mumbles and a really long sip of my beer.

I mean, I met this dude 2 innings ago. Our friendship was moving way too fast. He continues to talk about it, and he'd say things like, "Well, you don't want to hear about all that" and "That's neither here nor there." Actually sir, quite the contrary. It is right here, there and everywhere and it is making me very uncomfortable.

He says to me, "You know, it's such bullshit. She tells me that she's felt dead inside for the last ten years. How the fuck am I supposed to know that?"

I wanted to reply, "I am slowly dying inside, and we just met!"

He says, "You know, we are just different, men and women, you know that. I mean, they like to talk and communicate and men just aren't good communicators."

I wanted to reply, "Actually, you are doing a really good job of communicating right now. I'd say it's too good. You should take this opportunity to go talk to your wife and please leave me alone."

Then he tells me, "You know, I even showed her this study about how men and women just communicate differently, but of course, what do you think she does? She doesn't even want to read it!"

The balls on this woman!

Apparently, in a last ditch effort to save his marriage, this guy presented his wife with a study from the New England Journal of Medicine about how men and women are different. I imagine he Googled one night, "women are from venis" and then Google asked him, "Did you mean: women are from venus". And that was the extent to which he went to save his marriage.

He ended the depressing conversation with, "Well, I've got three great kids out of it and that's really all that matters."

Yes, everyone's a winner!

So time goes by and the talk goes back to baseball. But soon after that, he then asks me about Hoboken and how the bars are there. I tell him that he should avoid the asshole bars. He asks me something else, and then I realize he is asking me where a guy in his 50's can go to pick up chicks. I didn't want to come right out and say, "I have no idea where old ladies hang out." But I think I did. I really don't remember. He eventually did say, "Well, I was just wondering if you knew of any singles bars."

My problems with that were 1) ever since I've lived in Hoboken, I have not been single, and 2) ever since I've been alive, I have never classified a bar as a "singles bar."

Anyway, he finally left, we said "nice to meetcha," and that was that.

Here is a picture of this guy looking for the ladies.

"Where all the old bitches at?"
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006