Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Friday, September 08, 2006

The other day at work, I learned way too much about a co-worker in the bathroom. It's not what you are thinking, like, "Oh, he must have had corn in the last 24 hours."

I was about to leave the bathroom, heading to the sink to wash my hands. This guy was already at the sink. We exchange Good mornings, and I notice that he is setting up shop to shave his face. OK, that's weird, but whatever. I say, "How's it going?"

Quick background:

The most I have ever said to this man is "Good morning." He has said basically the same thing to me. He seems like a nice enough guy, maybe a little bit "off".

Anyway, I asked how it was going, and he told me.

"Oh man, just got back from vacation." So I said "Oh yeah?" But I didn't say it like, "Oh, yeah? Where did you go and how was it?" It was a very uninterested "Oh yeah" but he didn't see it that way.

"Yeah, man, went to Florida. It was great, but man, that hurricane shit. Fucked it up, man."

Whoa! This is quite a profanity filled first conversation, I thought. It usually takes me about an hour or so before I feel I can be comfortable to curse in front of someone. It took him much less.

So I say "Oh yeah." This time I meant, "Oh yeah, I am familiar with the fact that a hurricane hit Florida."

So he says, "Yeah, fuckin' shit. Had to do that hurricane shit to my sister's windows down there, you know? Fuck, man. So now I know how to do that shit to windows."

"I'll keep you in mind if I need you."

"And then the fucking plane ride home, man, shit. I thought my sister was gonna shit her pants, man. That fucking plane was like, 'ba-boom' man." He made a motion with his hand to indicate turbulence.

This was pretty much the entire conversation, but it was way too long. It felt like an eternity. I just wanted to get out of that bathroom and go home. Now when I see him, I feel like we might have to talk and I will have to listen to stories about his sister shitting her pants.

Oh well. Anyway. I just noticed on the back of this coffee package I have, the word "delightful" is used twice. That is delight overkill if you ask me. I don't think I have ever used the word "delightful" to describe something. Here is the only time I believe I have ever used the word or a form of the word:

Someone: What's the name of this song?
Me: Rapper's Delight.

And that's it.

You know what fad I hate in sports right now? The group of fans at a game that root for one player and then call themselves something clever. Like in Philadelphia, there are a group of girls who want to do Chase Utley and they call themselves "Chase's Chicks." And when Sal Fasano used to play there, a bunch of guys who wanted to do him called "Sal's Pals" would wear fake mustaches and root for this incredibly mediocre catcher.

There were even a few retards who would root for Lastings Milledge of the Mets. He is a guy with a lot of hype, but a rookie who has done next to nothing when given the chance. These jerks called themselves "The Milledge People." And then they would dress up like the Village People. Uh, really? You want to root for your a player by dressing up like a gay disco group?

Anyway, this stupid phenom has now gotten into tennis.


There are these people who root for James Blake who call themselves the "J Block." I was watching the Federer-Blake match last night and they kept showing these guys up in the stands. I forgot what they were called and said to Tania, "What are they called again? Blake's Dickheads?"

She told me I was wrong, but that should be their name. What a bunch of dickheads. And the worst is that the geniuses who produce and direct the telecast constantly show them. Stop doing that.

Here is my plea to all sports telecasts. Please stop rewarding idiotic fans by showing them on TV. I am talking about the face painters, Sal's Pals, Blake's Dickheads, and whatever else is there. I like when they show old ladies at baseball games who keep score. That is awesome. Or when they show fat people eating. Always funny.

Did you see how 15 people were at that no-hitter the other night? How embarrassing for the Marlins. See, if those fans were clever, they would start a little clan and just call themselves "Marlins Ticketholders." That would make me giggle.

Here are Blake's Dickheads.

All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006