Dude, I fucking smell like syrup. My left armpit smells like syrup. I thought it was just my mind playing tricks, but it has been confirmed.

This is similar to when my feet smelled like popcorn. I think most people enjoy syrup, and if they got a taste, they would be like, "Mmmm, syrup." But if you licked my left armpit right now, you'd be like, "Oh, good god, is that syrup? Oh, that's awful."

So I just took a shower and hopefully that fixed it. I checked the soap I was using to make sure it wasn't Aunt Jemima's For Him. It was not.

I got out of the shower and realized that this fly that has been living with me for about a week was in the bathroom. I was not leaving this bathroom until that fucker was dead. I don't know how he has been around for so long. So I dried myself off and put on some boxers, because it's like my mom (pictured below) always used to say, "Never kill a fly when you are naked and wet."

Then I decided to brush my teeth and let the fly enjoy the rest of his stupid little life. But then he had the fly balls to fly right by me as I was brushing my teeth, so I decided to take a stab at him, and I grabbed him out of midair. I had caught him once before, and when I opened my hand, he flew away, so he cheated death once. Not this time.

I can kill a fly. I am awesome. Just call me Syrup Armpit Popcorn Feet Fly Killer.