Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Friday, July 28, 2006

So this bartender was like, "How old are you?" And I'm all, "Twenty nine. No, wait, shit, I'm thirty. I've been thirty for 10 months. I should remember that."

It's been a while since anyone has asked me how old I was. Or am. I'm old.

So I realized last Sunday night that the most depressing place on earth at 11:00 p.m. on a Sunday is Newark Penn Station. Sure, you might say something like, "I bet Lebanon right now is a little more depressing. Or maybe the Harrison PATH station." Maybe, but I doubt it.

Newark Penn Station is the worst. No matter what time. I've never been somewhere that no matter what is going on, no matter what time it is, I always feel like I am about to be stabbed. It just has that Imminent Stabbing feeling about it.

I was getting off of the Amtrak train from DC and it's just one of those places. I was waiting for the Amtrak guy to say, "Next stop, Newark! And just so you know, I will be stabbing you when you exit the train." And then I bought a water and some Doritos, and I anticipated the guy there to be like, "OK, your change is $1.35, and if you don't mind, I am going to stab you in the spleen." Then I'd be like, "Ow, that's my neck, motherfucker!" And he'd be all, "Neck, spleen, whatever. Have a good trip."
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006