Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

So hey, my computer has been fixed, so that's nice. Still lost all of my files, but got a cheap new hard drive (I know a guy).

But before you think I'll be blogging on a regular basis, think again motherchuckers. I am about to embark on a two week long vacation that will bring me to Santa Barbara, Calif., then to Bermuda (it's in the ocean), and then to Charlotte, North Cackalacka for the Fourth of July where I will burn my hands off with sparklers. I am calling it the Mike Toole Gets Skin Cancer World Tour. It is to promote my new album, Jetlagged as Shit!

So I recently joined a gym. And even more recently, I started going to the gym. I go after work in the morning (I work the o-night, remember?), so it's nice that there aren't that many people there. But there is this one dude who I seem to be on a similar schedule with. He is the kind of guy that looks like he throws elephants for a living, and when he works out he sounds like he is shitting lava. So he's huge and loud. He will also talk to himself when trying to lift the entire gym. He'll be like, "Come on! Yeah! Grrr!!!!!!"

The other day I heard him from across the gym, and I heard him say, "What do you want for breakfast?" I was so excited because he was actually talking to his muscles! But then I realized he was on his cell phone asking someone what they actually wanted for breakfast. Not nearly as funny as I wanted it to be. But now every time I see him, I picture him standing in front of the mirror talking to his muscles about breakfast.

"What do you want for breakfast? Grrr! Need a refill on that coffee? YEAH, you DO! Roar!! Would you like fresh fruit on your French Toast for an extra dollar twenty five? Come on!"

Oh well. That's about all I have to report to you. I will see you in a few weeks. I will look something like this. I found this by Googling "sun burn". This is what happens when you try to put sunscreen on your own back. I know from experience, dude.

Luckily in California, I'll have my lady to put stuff on my back, and in Bermuda, I am bringing a gay cabana boy named Alberto with me. Grease me up!

Here is myself, gay cabana boy Alberto (see second picture for proof of gayness) and Tania. I am obviously telling a very funny story about my chest hair.

If there is one thing Alberto loves to do, it's point his fingers and stick out his tongue. Usually though, he's pointing his fingers right up your butt! I don't want to say what he does with that tongue. I apparently fell asleep after my story and was having a happy dream about being E.T.

All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006