So, I found out more about why I got kicked out of a bar last Thursday after my company's holiday party. Oh wait, Christmas party for all you Bill O'Reilly fans out there.

Here is a transcript, courtesy of Luis, who I ultimately blame for everything:

Way to hold your liquor last night. I hear you don't remember so good. I didn't see you do anything devastatingly embarrassing, but here is one small excerpt from your evening of temperance:

Mike: Hey Luis you want a shot?
Luis: Sure! That sounds like a great idea after a night of non-stop drinking
Mike [speaking to bartender]: Two shots of tequila please
Bartender: Sorry we already had last call. [Goes to other side of bar and starts cleaning up]
Luis: Oh well, maybe next time ...
Mike: Nonsense my good man [In a stunning feat of agility for a man a inebriated as you were, reaches over bar and plucks a bottle of Stoli AND two glasses without the bartender or bouncer noticing]
Luis: Uh, is that a good idea?
Mike: Shut up I know what I'm doing [pours two shots, which we drink. Meanwhile the barkeep turns around and sees a) us drinking vodka and b) you holding the bottle of vodka]
Bartender: Okay buddy you're out of here.
Mike: Me? Why? [You sound generally befuddled]
Bartender: What do you mean why? You stole the fucking vodka bottle from the bar!
Mike: No I didn't, what are you talking about? [Your defiance sounds credible, unfortunately you are STILL holding the bottle of vodka.]
Bartender: Look give me the bottle and get the hell out of here.
(And this is my favorite bit):
Mike: [Hands over the bottle] I don't know what you are talking about, I didn't steal any bottle. This is ridiculous, I never steal anything.
Bartender: Whatever just get the hell out of here
Mike: You're a jerk.


So yeah. I have problems.