Do you think God plays drinking games? I don't know who he'd play with, but I imagine a popular one this week would be, "OK, every time someone says What are you doing for New Year's? and then the other person replies with I don't know. You?, take a drink."

This Lazy Sunday bit has become so out of control and everywhere, that last night I had a dream about it. I dreamt that I met Chris Parnell and I was trying to tell him how much I loved the line, "Snack attack motherfucker!" but I couldn't say it. I could say "snack attack" just fine, but when I got to "motherfucker," words didn't come out. I just started clicking. It was weird.



I got the worst fortune from a fortune cookie today. It says, "You would make a good lawyer." OK, I would not make a good lawyer because I am terrible in arguments. I am not a quick thinker. I say stupid shit then have to dig my way out. But when I think about it later, I am very good at making a clear and rational argument. Not good for a lawyer, because by that time, my client will be getting raped in the prison shower.

And that's not really a fortune. It's an observation. An observation that I don't think a cookie is qualified to make. It'd be like getting a fortune that said, "Your hair looks nice today."

So I am driving on the New Jersey Turnpike on Christmas night and I see this highway sign all lit up that says "GOOD LUCK RUTGERS IN THE INSITE BOWL." We here in New Jersey don't pay much attention to the college football, so I was surprised to see Rutgers made it into a bowl game. I also thought that INSITE BOWL looked wrong. Sure enough, it should be INSIGHT BOWL. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right New Jersey Turnpike?

Anyway, they lost. In case you were wondering what that sound was in New Jersey, it was a wave of apathy surging through the state.

Speaking of bowls, the worst name for a bowl game should go to the EV1.net Houston Bowl. What the fuck is EV1.net? This gives me hope though. Within the next few years, I would like to see the toole.blogspot.com Bowl. Or maybe the EV1.net Bowl, Presented by toole.blogspot.com, a Division of Google.