On Wednesday I was walking to the train to get to work. I was walking across a street when I noticed a parked car that had a few kids in it. The car also had a grandmother in the back seat. All that was missing in this car was a dog. The old Neglecta Trifecta. Kid, old person, dog. Hot car. Windows rolled down just a bit.

So anyway, I'm walking by, and the kids are enjoying the alone time, because grandma has no idea what's going down. As I pass by one side of the car, this little girl, I'm guessing eight years old, leans out the window and says, "You stupid." But she says it how ghetto kids say things these days. "Stoo-pit." It could be a name. "Hello, my name is Stuart Pitt. But you can call me Stu Pitt."

So, I was obviously insulted by this, um, insult. Because, so far, I've not done anything to indicate to this little girl that I am stupid. I crossed the street successfully, did not get hit by a car. What have I done to indicate stupidity? So I say to her as I am walking by, "No you're not. You are."

Let's recap.

Little girl: You stupid.

Me: No you're not. You are.

In my attempt to prove to a kid that I wasn't stupid, I seemed to prove that I was, indeed, stoo-pit.

I kept walking and was like, "Damn, Toole, you totally fucked that up. You had the chance to tell that kid straight up that she was stoo-pit, but you fucked it up."

But did I? As I said what I said and as I walked away, I noticed that my nemesis was incredibly confused by my comeback. Her eight year old take on the language may very well have been my advantage. She had this look on her face like, "Why would he tell me I wasn't stupid, then tell me right after that I was? His comeback makes no sense, and confuses my feeble brain."

So while I felt pretty dumb about the whole thing, I am pretty satisfied that I got that girl to think twice next time she thinks about yelling at passers-by. For they might have a really bad comeback. One that makes no sense. Kids are so stupid these days. I mean stoo-pit.