Oh, my Irish skin. Oh, my hands and arms with limited mobility and reach to parts of my back. Oh, the sun in the sky, with your flames all ablaze. Oh, ozone layer, so rapidly depleting.

I went fishing on my bro-in-law's boat this past weekend. I am not a fisherman. This was the first time I have fished in years. I think I was five the last time I went fishing. I was with my grandfather. I don't remember it.

So I went and I got a sunburn on my back. The sunblock didn't make it to all areas, so my back looks like a poorly-designed flag. Like, if a new country needed to submit their flag to the New Country Commission and they were a bunch of procrastinators, they'd turn in a flag that would resemble my back. No distinct or straight lines. Just a blob of red on the top, and the bottom will be a little white.

Hey, remember when I was talking about Shark Week and how I missed it? Well, I caught a shark while I was fishing. Not a Great White or anything, but a shark. That was fun. Then we ate him. Or her. Not sure. I did not notice a shark cock or a shark vagina. Both of those things would make great names for bands.

Shark Vagina. It would also be fun to order that at a Red Lobster. You should do that next time you are at the Red Lobster. Right after the server tells you the specials, say excitedly, "Ooh, the Shark Vagina sounds great. I'll have that." Then when he tells you that wasn't a special and that they don't serve Shark Vagina, say, "Fine. Just bring me the Whale Balls, I don't care. I'm starving!"

I had a dream the other night that I lived in New York again and they were going to clean the entire city. But what this entailed was that everyone had to get into their apartments and stay there for a day or so while they flooded the city to wash the streets. Another really cool dream. Very Day After Tomorrow, but better and more of a plot. Much more character development as well. And a shitload more nudity.