I got cable installed yesterday in the new apartment, and as soon as the cable guy left I had the worst case of buyer's remorse ever. Especially now that I just found out that Shark Week was last week. What the fuck?

I really only need a few channels. ESPN, Fox Sports and MSG for Mets games, Discovery Channel and CSPAN. And I'll take the regular networks as well, but that's it really. I guess Comedy Central for The Daily Show, but little else.

I was watching The Price Is Right today and the two most boring people got to the final. The guy who won was so low-key and boring. He was from Ohio. And he was very Ohio. I got really sad for a moment when he won, because all he did was shake Bob Barker's hand and say "Thanks." Very polite of him, but very boring. Oh, the reason I felt bad for him was that no one was coming up to hug him. He just stood there by himself, not being excited at all. Granted, he won the shitty showcase, because all he got was a bed or something, but still. If you win on TPIR or any game show, you want your friends and family to come running up and hug you and maybe jump on your new bed. Hug Barker's Beauties, as well.

So I was like, Damn, this guy went to The Price Is Right alone. I've gone to baseball games and movies by myself plenty, but there is something very sad about going by yourself to TPIR, wearing your Buckeyes sweatshirt, then winning the showcase and no one to hug.

But then his Ohio wife finally came up and she was very excited about the new bed that they were going to make love in. The most boring kind of love I could ever imagine.

See what TV does to me? It makes me imagine game show contestants having really dull sex in Ohio.

Damn.

Another thing that is annoying about cable now is that I live by myself, so I'm paying for the whole thing. I could live with paying for half of it, because it seemed worth it, but now? I don't know. I hate paying for the Home and Garden Network, or whatever it is, and not splitting the cost with someone.

I did, however, just buy the Bose Sound Dock for my iPod, and I gotta tell you, it's pretty fucking awesome. No remorse there. Pricey, yes, but it was basically free. Why? Because I had all these AmEx gift checks that my job used to give to us for not fucking up. I never used them and had about $600 worth. I was good at not fucking up for a while.

Anyway, I am hearing parts of songs I've never heard before. It's exciting.

I need to buy a can opener. I wonder if anyone has ever had buyer's remorse over a can opener. Everyone needs can openers. Maybe a really expensive automatic can opener would provoke remorse, especially after you realize that opening cans with a regular can opener is incredibly simple. It really is. I've done it plenty of times. Just not yet in my new apartment because I keep forgetting to buy one. I hope I remember how to open cans. Maybe I will have to Google, "how do you use a can opener?"

So, I'm done here. People from Ohio, please defend yourself in the comments. You know you want to, you boring sex havers!