Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Sunday, April 10, 2005

So these last few days I have been working the overnight shift at my job. Because I'm a sucker. At least the weather sucked. I mean, 65 degrees and sunny? Fucking gross.

This morning as I left work, I decided to walk a bit from the World Trade Center. I started my stroll, headed towards Chinatown, because I like the smell of Chinese people and fish. It was quite lively down there for 08:30. I then ended up walking through Little Italy, because I like the smell of pasta and the Mafia. Not much going on there. Not much going on anywhere actually. Some crazy people out and talking to themselves, and in a few cases, singing to themselves. One guy had a pretty good voice. I was like, "Kid, you have got it!" He took out his weiner and told me to never come back.

I realized on my walk that I look my best in tinted window reflections. When I walk by a car and see myself, I'm like, "Damn, what a good looking fellow you are." But natural lighting and a real mirror reaffirm my averageness. But man, tinted windows? If tinted windows were Hollywood agents, I'd be the most wanted face in the entertainment industry.

Producer: So what does he do? What's his talent?

Tinted Agent: He just is really good at walking by. I can't really put my finger on it, especially because I'm a window and I don't have fingers.

So. Yeah, I feel weird working these hours. I have been working from 10 PM to 8 AM. You get loopy around 4. I noticed on my first night that typing was taking on a life of its own. I'd start putting spaces in random parts of words where spaces have no busin ess. Then on my walk today, I noticed that walking in a straight line was a bit of a challenge. Glad I wasn't driving.

One time I drove from Florida to NJ by myself straight through. I began hallucinating somewhere in Maryland. I stopped at a rest stop to pee and get a bag of something in a chip form. The rest stop was in the middle of the highway, so when you merge back on, you merge into the left lane. My car was packed with all of my belongings, so my passenger seat was pushed all the way forward because of my belongings in the back. As I was merging back on to the highway, I looked to my right to see if there was any approaching traffic on I-95. But instead, I saw a man sitting in my passenger seat staring at me. I went "AHHH!" and accidentally jerked the wheel and I crossed over four lanes of traffic. Luckily no one was in my way.

So the guy in my car? It was just my passenger seat, but the way it was pushed forward, and the shape of something that was in the seat, combined with the headrest made it look like a person. I swear I could have given a description of this guy to the cops if I had to. It was then I realized I was losing my mind a bit and needed a nap. But I pushed on and eventually got home safe and somewhat sound.

My first day of doing this overnight thing, I think I had five meals. Because I woke up, had breakfast, then lunch, a dinner, came to work, had another dinner, and then when I went home, I had my second breakfast. I was like a hobbit. I had bacon twice! What a great day. Everyone should have bacon at least twice a day.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006