One very nice thing about this promotion of mine is that I get to go to Colorado this weekend for a conference. I'll be in Colorado Springs which is all pretty and such. I love Colorado and everything in it, but these conferences are usually held in some sort of sunny oasis. And right now I am itching for some sun. Maybe not the sun, but at least the warmth of the sun. It's been a pretty mild winter, but I'm sick of it. I want spring and I want it now.

It's snowing out right now, and my landlord is shoveling. It's 1:40 AM. Dude shovels non-stop when it snows. My dad was always kind of crazy with the shoveling. It would snow two inches, and we'd be expecting 11, and he'd tell me to go shovel the two inches that just fell, even though we are expecting nine more. So I'd be all, "Why can't I just wait until it's done?"

"Just go do it."

I realize now that it makes the whole thing easier to do it in spurts, rather than waiting for the giant dump, but it would have been nice to know that back then. My dad was a big "Because I said so" kind of guy. I suppose he still is, but he doesn't tell me to do that much these days.

Hmm. It's 1 in the morning and I've got Vicodin in my veins. I could so easily be a drug addict, if only I had the balls, and wasn't influenced by Nancy Reagan and fried egg commercials. I don't think my dad ever told me not to do drugs. It was definitely implied, though. You know, he was a cop, so if I did drugs, it'd be extra bad. Son of a construction worker turns to drugs? Acceptable. Son of a lawyer? Understandable. Son of a cop? Where did that family go so wrong? My sisters, though, good God. In high school they were known as Powder Keg and Slutty Drug Face.

Just jokes.

Speaking of drugs, though, what's the deal with gay guys and crystal meth? Especially the part that makes them want to have tons of unprotected sex. Like the guy in NY and this asshole. What is it about crystal meth that makes people think, "I've got raging hormones and a hatred for latex. Who wants on?!"

Sure, unprotected sex is great, but when you're doing it at a club in a bathroom with a dude you met twenty seconds ago, I'd say you should make the sacrifice and wear a condom. Of course, this goes for all of us heterosexuals as well, but it seems to be out of control in the gay community right now. And there are some gay guys who also like to have the occasional sex with women, so it makes it everyone's problem.

Here's my solution. Let's all just stop fucking for a year and see what happens. Everyone go get tested for everything. It'll be like starting anew. OK, we're on the honor system here people. No fucking!

OK. Starting... now!