Hello, World Wide Web. How I missed you as I was all the way over in the oft-ignored Mountain Time Zone.

So yeah, back from this old work conference of mine. It was actually pretty darn fun. Lots of butt kissing and bullshitting, but everything else in between was good stuff. I made a great impression by being five minutes late to the first seminar. So you think, Well, five minutes late isn't so bad. True, but two minutes prior to that, there was a moment where they were welcoming the first timers. Me being one of them. So they said my name, yet I was probably in the elevator. Not good.

A co-worker mentioned to me that I should offer up a story where I was late because of the Vicodin for my wisdom teeth. Yes, great idea. "Hi, I got shitfaced last night and took a Vicodin. Sorry I'm late."

Just for the record, I did get shitfaced, but I didn't take the Vicodin.

My trip back today was, how do you say? shitty. I flew to Dallas, where I learned that my flight to Laguardia was cancelled. Got on another flight many hours later, which once we finally boarded, we pulled away, rolled towards the runway, then heard the captain say that we were going to sit there for an hour. I text messaged a co-worker in the back of the plane, "This is fucking awesome!" He replied, "Best time I've ever had. Thank god I bought this Time magazine, w/ a cover story on poverty, and how it kills millions of people every year." He then followed that up with "Make a scene, so they have to evacuate, so we can get off and go to a hotel. I'll buy you 2 beers for that." I replied, "I tried to crap myself and blame it on the dude next to me but i got stage fright. sorry."

This made me laugh for a while, because I think the guy next to me looked at my phone as I typed it, then I actually thought about the visual image of me crapping myself and then shouting, "Oh flight attendant, I crapped myself, but it was this guy's fault! He made me poop myself!"

Maybe it wasn't that funny. But after being in the Dallas/FuckWorth airport for seven hours eating at a Chili's and a Friday's, well, you find ways to giggle.

It's ten to four in the morning right now. I should go to bed.

My mom always wants to know that I landed safely. I like to tell her my flight number and that she should watch the news.

Because this post is crappy and unnecessary, I will apologize and point you to something quite funny. Here is a recent post from Trish where she listed ten things about butter. My favorite is number 7: Keep your cat off of your kitchen counter. Cats will lick the butter.

Yeah, so by the way, me and my iPod are officially in love. Well, I know I love it, but I'm not so sure how it feels about me. It's been very good to me. I feel I should name my iPod. When I was a kid, I wanted to name our cat Gunther. So maybe I'll call it Gunther.

I learned today that restaurants in airports use plasticware, because they are beyond the security checkpoint. These FAA guys thought of everything. J.P., my waiter at Friday's let me know. Or maybe his name was J.T. I forget. Either way, he was really fucking friendly for a guy working at a Friday's in the Dallas airport. Much friendlier than the Chili's guy. But the food at Chili's was better.

I took a Vicodin so I'm rambling. Perhaps I'll stop.

I apologize again for this crappy post. I will make it all better on my next post where I will tell you my most favorite story about taking a crap. I sure do talk about crap a lot. Let me know if you want me to stop. But not right now. You'll have to wait for the next crappy post about crap.