Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Friday, February 25, 2005

That last post I had is gone. Wha happened?

To sum up, got promotion, good Monday, new hours, rest of week rough, fat guy sleeping comfortably on train, chemist playing Twister by himself.

Anyway, I just got my wisdom teeth out about two hours ago. Maybe three. The pain is just starting to kick in. So I just took some Vicodin, and hopefully that will kick in just as fast.

I just walked away and spit some blood. But you don't need to know that.

Getting them out was kind of fun. I've never had the laughing gas before, and you know what? It made me laugh. As it was taking its effects, I started thinking of that Simpsons episode where Lisa gets braces, and at the end of the episode they are all laughing after Lisa says, "And that's the tooth!" Instead of "truth." So they all start laughing, then the dentist says, "Oops, I left the gas on." Then they all laugh again. So I started laughing at that.

Then I felt even higher, and I wanted to start asking the dental assistant dude what his favorite Simpsons episode is. But I couldn't really talk, so I kept quiet. The first thing I noticed was the music playing. The Cure was on. I think it was "Friday I'm in Love." Not the best Cure song, but better than most dentist music. When the dentist was removing my second tooth, George Michael's "Faith" came on. I started laughing on the inside when I heard that. Right after George Michael says, "Because I know not everybody has got a body like you," my dentist said, "Do you think that anywhere else in the city right now there are three guys in a room together listening to Faith?"

So I started laughing again. It was the funniest wisdom tooth extraction ever.

It was so weird to watch the dentist struggle to get the teeth out. I didn't realize how much oomph he had to put in to get these fuckers out. His face and arm movements reminded me of me when I can't get a lugnut off a car tire.

Before the Simpsons thoughts, I got kind of nervous, because the dentist or oral surgeon, whatever he is, he's very young. But I know someone else who got their wisdom teeth out by him, and she had no problems. But then I got nervous thinking something might be his first, you know? Like, afterwards he says to someone, "Well, I've never seen that before."

Later I got really nervous, because as he was about to go to town on my last tooth, I felt way too much. The first three were painless, but I could feel him all up in my shit. So I put my hands up and said "Agghghhg." He shot me up some more, I concentrated on sucking on the laughing gas, then my last tooth was gone. All in about 45 hilarious minutes.

Another song that was on was that song (from Footloose I think) that goes, "Let's hear it for the boy, let's hear it for my man." I was pretending she was serenading me. Then I started laughing again.

I wasn't laughing as I was trying to get drugs. The first pharmacy didn't accept my insurance plan, but didn't tell me that until 45 minutes after I dropped off the prescription. So I went to an Eckerd, and at this point I wasn't able to open my mouth without a pint of blood falling out. So the pharmacist, not looking at me, asks, "What's your address?" I try to motion to her that I need a pen to write it down, because my shit can't talk. But she's not looking.

She finally saw me and apologized. She told me that she would "rush" my prescription. Normally I hate the word "RUSH!" but this time it was music to my ears. And rush she did. I was going to thank her by pointing to my eye, then my heart, then at her, which is the universal sign for "I love you." But she gave my drugs to the cashier and that lady checked me out. She had really hairy arms and no idea that my mouth was filling with blood. I wanted to somehow thank the rush lady, but she wasn't looking at me. I finally got her attention and just waved, sort of a Thanks, I appreciate it. But after I left I realized it made me seem like a retarded guy that couldn't talk and likes waving to people.

When I was walking home from the pharmacy, I had two instances where I realized I was choking on blood. I had to stop and spit. And people watched. It made me feel kind of cool. Like, they might go home and be like, "I totally just saw this dude puking blood on Steinway Street." I like being part of strangers' conversations.

Anyway, I'm home now, the vike is kicking in. I think this will be a weekend of couch sitting, movie watching, ice cream eating, drug taking splendor.

Oh yeah, I'm high right now. Drugs on an empty stomach are awesome! I should probably stop typing. This could go on forever.

This is fun. I'm so happy right now.

Kids, don't do drugs. Unless you have your wisdom teeth taken out or kidney stones. Then drugs are awesome. And concerts. They are good there too.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006