Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Monday, February 07, 2005

So the Superest of all Bowls was last night, and being that I don't blog from work anymore, I am late to the party. I'm sure you've all read witty and amusing recaps from last eve's game. So now I'll bore you with mine.

First I'll start at the end. I thought at the end of the game, we would witness the first Super Bowl death ever, when Bill Belichick's kindly old father gave his son a heartfelt hug. Why would an old man die from a hug? Oh no, silly reader, it wasn't the hug that would have killed him. It would have been the 20 gallons of ice cold water that was suddenly dumped on him.

There are some things that are never really taught to you, but you just know those things. How to breathe, for example. It's natural. It isn't taught. You just know how to do it. Something else I never learned, but I know I should never do, is dump freezing water on to an old man. Unless he's on fire. Then by all means, dump away.

Isn't it time to retire this tradition? It's not that fun to watch anymore. They need something new. Maybe they can break a chair over his back. I think that might be more pleasant.

This headline is just plain silly: McCartney Plays It Safe at Super Bowl. Yeah, he's Paul McCartney. He hasn't been controversial since nineteen sixty something. It's such a non-story. Was anyone expecting something shocking from Sir Paul?

"This next song, I wrote specifically for the Super Bowl. It's called 'I Think Jesus Would Have Been in Favor of Gay Marriage Because He was Kind of a Queer.' Also, for this song, I will be playing the piano with my testicles so my hands can be free while I smoke some heroin. Thank you, I hope you like it. Oops, just give me one second to get my testicles out. They're kind of big. OK. Two three four!"

I guess that's all I've got for you. Everyone else has already talked about the commercials and the mind-boggling slowness of the Eagles on their second to last possession. But just for the record, here:

Best Commercial: The one with guy and the cat.

Worst Commercial: The rest of them.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006