When I first saw this headline, CALLING ALL LOS ANGELES - AREA LOISES!, I clicked on it, because I thought for sure it was a mistake. Was LOISES supposed to be LOSERS or NOISES? Not that it would make much sense, but they were at least words I recognized. But then, as I read the press release, I realized that they were looking for women named Lois, and Loises being the plural of Lois.

Here is the complete release.

This is amazing. I kind of wish my name was Lois.

Most ladies named Lois have only met one other Lois in their whole lives. Imagine how thrilled you'd be to discover just how many fun-loving Loises there are.

I would like to know where they got that stat. That most Loises have only met one other Lois. I can't imagine having to be the researcher on that one.

Hello, is anyone in your household named Lois?

No.

Thank you.

Hello, is anyone in your household named Lois?

No.

Thank you.

Hello, is anyone in your household named Lois?

No.

Thank you.

Hello, is anyone in your household named Lois?

No.

Thank you.

Hello, is anyone in your household named Lois?

Yes, my name is Lois.

Thank y- No shit?

I beg your pardon?

Your name is Lois?

Yes.

How many other Loises have you met in your life?

I think only one.

OK. Um, are you fun-loving?

I suppose.

Thank you!

Here is the official Lois Club web site. Take a look at these tasty fun-loving ladies named Lois.



My favorite is the one on the far right. I bet she gets shitty drunk. The one on the left is the idea lady. She probably organizes everything and was the first to realize that they'd save a lot of money on not having to buy "HELLO MY NAME IS ____" nametags. The one second from the right is obiviously there to put a pretty face on the Lois posse. And the big one, front and center? Used to be a man named Louis. And she fucking loves broaches.

I also like the question. Do you fit the Lois personality? There is no description of what that really is, but I'm guessing you've got to be old and named Lois. And three out of four Loises have poor eyesight.

The more I look at this, the more I'm actually convinced this is some sort of terrorist web site. It's all in code. And from what I can gather, there will be some sort of terrorist attack in Louisiana. Lois... Louisiana. It all makes sense. Terrorists are now calling each other Loises. Like this post where they call for all "Loises" in the UK.

Shit is about to go down.