Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Here are three questions from another Texan named Justin.

1) Have you been practicing your basketball?

I assume Justin is referring to my basketball playing days way back in March of this year. And no, I have not. I had the opportunity to play, but I chose not to. I haven't been doing much of anything. You see, Justin, I am what doctors term, "A Lazy Sack of Crap." I have occasional fits of trying to get myself into shape, but they never last very long.

2) Any plans for New Years? And don't say heavy drinking, because from what I've read, that's a given. Be more creative. Please the readers. Make something up if you have to.

Man, I guess I come across as quite the alcoholic on this blog. I am going to a friend's party very close by. It is a fifteen minute walk, a twenty minute stumble. They have parties almost once a month, so this probably won't be very different. We even usually have countdowns and kiss each other at midnight at their regular parties.

I did just go out and buy a bottle of tequila for the party. What's a party without some asshole bringing tequila? My goal is for someone to say the following day, "Hey, who was that asshole that brought tequila? What an asshole."

3) What's your opinion on capital punishment?

A serious question?! What the fuck, dude?

Generally, I say no, but there are times where I think maybe. I tend to think that people are worse off living their lives in jail (which most people on death row end up doing anyway). Death seems like an easy way out. The whole thing is very bizarre when you think about it. A bunch of citizens decide whether or not another person should die.

Here are what I think of some people that may or may not be currently facing death penalties:

Scott Peterson: I say no. He is a guy that will suffer in jail. Prisoners will make life for him more of a hell than the hell he will face in death. I think. I don't know much about the real hell, should there be one.

Osama bin Laden: No, at least for right now. Put him in a public access jail, one where people could go and look at him. Maybe there could be a dunk tank. And he could land in a tank full of thumb tacks or something.

The Lady Who Strangled the Other Lady and Stole Her Fetus: (I have to stop real quick before I forget this... Doug's ring on his phone is the theme song from Dallas. Fucking awesome. Doug's from Texas. Dallas, to be exact. Funny.)

Anyway, this crazy lady. I don't know. It's such a twisted and unique crime. I guess if anyone deserves not to live anymore, it's her.

And finally, people that kill kids. I've got a special hatred for those. I think I said it best when those Chechen terrorists killed those kids.

So bravo! to you, terrorists. Not only did you take away people's children, but you just took away any and all hope for your cause. But you're dead now. You got off easy. Not that there is any punishment that could fit this crime. But whatever it would have been, the lot of you got away from it. Hopefully, those in charge of the afterlife have devised something special for you, something new. And I hope it hurts like hell. Not only the physical kind of hurt, but something equivalent to those of a parent who watched their child get shot. Physical pain is too simple. Your thoughts should hurt. Everything you look at should make you want to cry. Your brain should do nothing but wail.

What a downer! Great questions, Justin. Thanks for bringing down the blog. I'll have to write something a little more awesome tomorrow. I can't end the year talking about this.

Oh, and to answer your question, I guess I'm against capital punishment. Not sure how that will go over in Texas.
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