I wasn't going to talk about this auction, because I was holding out to see if it would stay a secret and I could win it for a hundred bucks. Now that it's above a thousand, I feel comfortable enough to talk about it. Anyway, the item up for bids is to attend a table reading of The Simpsons. mmmmm, table reading.

That would be quite amazing to attend. I am a Simpsons junkie. Although I would ideally like to win an auction where I could go back a few years via time machine and be at the table reading for the Monorail episode. For that, I might go over a grand.

Anyway, now that it is out of my reach, I encourage all of you rich people out there to bid your little hearts away on this auction.

Another item of note is quite amazing. You can bid on an autographed copy of Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It is a first edition, complete with original Steadman color illustration and poem. So you know it's going to get some high bidding. And oh, by the way, Hunter S. Thompson is going to shoot it with a rifle. The title of the lot is This Book was Shot by Hunter S. Thompson.

Another fun one is Get Shitfaced With Charlie Rose. Well, it's officially called Drinks at Elaine's With Charlie Rose. But come on, you know the guy can drink his pants off. Before you know it, you and Charlie are back at his place doing coke with a couple of trannies.

Anyway, I'm thinking of doing an auction of my own. One in which I will combine all three of these auctions. The official title of this lot is "Get Drunk With Mike Toole While He Watches The Simpsons And He Gets So Drunk That He Will Shoot You."

I'll start the bidding at two bits!