So here I am at my still new home in Queens and after almost three years of living in the dark, today I have cable. Yes, cable. I haven't had it since I moved to the city. Full blown cable. HBO. Some other movie channels. Whatever. Cable!

I also have high speed internet. The fastest internet in all the land. Sometimes I think that having the internet at home is no big deal, mainly because I sit in front of a computer all day at work and have the internet at my disposal, and have found myself sitting there staring at the internet thinking I've run out of things to read. But then I realize that it's nice to be able to do whatever and not have to worry about checking emails from work and getting shit from some asshole.

I hate shit from assholes!

Not that I work with a lot of assholes. It's just nice to know that here at home I am away from all things work. Except for Doug.

Speaking of assholes, last night I woke up at some point in the overnight and heard a cop speaking on his... what is it, a bullhorn? Whatever it is in their car that makes their voices louder. Why can't I think of the word? Let's call it the voice loudener. So he's on the voice loudener saying, "Step away from the vehicle. Put your hands where I can see them. Where I can see them!!!"

Luckily I don't have one of those little kid beds in the shape of a car, because I could have been mighty confused in my middle of the night REM mode. I don't know what happened with the cop and the guy. I never heard a resolution. I hope it worked out for the both of them.

Speaking of it working out for both of them, I am going to see my one true love in a couple of short weeks. Colorado. I needed to go on a vacation and the lovely people at JetBlue have decided to fly me non-stop out to Denver for less than $200. From there I will rent a car and visit my friend Dave in Telluride. I am accepting any and all recommendations on places to stop on the way (I will have about two days or so for the drive, even though it should only take about 9 hours according to MapQuest... I'm going to stretch it out). So if you know of things in Colorado that a boy should see, let me know. Things like: this great little out of the way restaurant that's run by a little old lady; or this lake in the middle of nowhere that no one knows about; or this mountain that kind of looks like a vagina and would be a funny picture to have. Things like that.

OK. I'm going to go see what is on television. Cable television. I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment. The last time I had HBO, I was in college and I watched Muppets Take Manhattan way too many times. I'd be kind of drunk or high and wait for the part with Ed Koch to come on. That shit always cracked me up. It was all about Koch's delivery.

Gonzo: Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor, I'm looking for a frog who can sing and dance!

The Honorable Edward I. Koch: If he can balance the budget, I'll hire him!