Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Boy am I tired. Boy, am I tired? Boy! Am I tired!

I am a tired boy. I don't think I have anything important to say to you today, dear readers.

I once mentioned a girl I went to high school with on this blog. Recently, someone got to this here blog by searching that name and from what I can tell, they spent a lot of time perusing my blog. I assume it is she. So if you are reading this, email me and say hi. Come on. Don't be a chicken. You know who you are. And if you don't know who you are, you got a bottle rocket in your eye in the fifth grade. Yes, you!

The other night on Channel 11 news, they were talking about the assault weapons ban. They then said something like, "And that is our Channel 11 news question for tonight. Are you better off with out without the assault weapons ban?"

Uuuuum. Well, I've never been shot with an assault weapon, so I guess it's worked out alright for me so far. No complaints.

And aren't all weapons technically "assault" weapons? I don't know of much pacifist weaponry.

On that Friday night when I was drunk, I was walking by a restaurant that had outdoor seating. There was a girl who had just taken a sip from her drink. As I walked by, I took the straw out of the glass and kept walking. She went, "Hey!" But it was just a straw. I don't think she wanted that back. I like knowing the fact that I completely altered their conversation.

I am sick of seeing headlines that read, "Kerry rips Bush on..." or "Bush slams Kerry over..." Will these two just fuck and get it over with? Sheesh. They are like Rachel and Ross.

Man, some people got really defensive about me not really digging Garden State so much. You know what it was that made me sour on it? The ending. It was terrible. The ending made me want to shit. The rest of it was pretty good. Sorry if I made you mad.

The other night on Monday Night Football, John Madden said this about Ricky Proehl: He is one of those guys that just knows how to play football.

Um, John, I'm pretty sure every guy in the National Football League knows how to play football. OK, I know he meant that Ricky has good instincts or whatever. But he said this right after a play where Proehl made a catch, then instead of running straight ahead, he cut to the left and was tackled. If he kept running, he probably could have had a touchdown, or at lease ten more yards. Them a shitty instinct right there. John didn't mention that.

I leave you with a bit of one of my favorite scenes from the Simpsons:

Aunt Selma has come to the realization that she might not ever have children, so Lisa says to her, "Aunt Selma, this might be a bit presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination?" Homer then giggles and says, "Boy, I don't know. You gotta be pretty desperate to make it with a robot."

That's it. Makes me laugh every time.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006