Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Thursday, August 26, 2004

So I am still looking for an apartment. I might be homeless in the middle of next week. I have been looking on craigslist all day and have become very frustrated. Nothing is more annoying than getting to the end of a posting and seeing, "females only please." Put that shit up front, you fucks!

My favorite so far was this second to last sentence in what sounded like a great place: "I'm looking for gay dudes to share the space with."

I would prefer if you put that up front. Please follow the inverted pyramid theory of journalism. To me, that sentence is the equivalent of, "I wouldn't mind fucking you in the bum every once in a while."

Ugh. Today I go see this apartment near where I live now that sounded pretty sweet. One bedroom, reasonable price, supposedly great views. And oh yeah, by the way we neglected to tell you that the person who is currently living there is a fucking slob with a cat that smells like a sewer.

It was fucking disgusting. Flies all over the place. Trash everywhere. And the view? A lovely view of Metropolitan Ave. right at an intersection. So you just know it's nice and quiet! The realtor said, "Don't worry. We are going to paint so it be nice."

All the paint in the world couldn't beat this smell. You could burn the place down, rebuild it twenty years later, and it will still smell like cat ass.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006