Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Thursday, July 22, 2004

There are certain people I see on a fairly regular basis during my commute. They often get nicknames from me, although they are never said aloud and the only one who knows the nicknames is me.

For example, there was Tall Redhead Lady. She got this nickname because she was a tall, red-headed lady. I used to see her at around 5:30 in the morning on the subway all the time. Because it was so early might have something to do with the lack of a creative nickname. Anyway, I ended up randomly meeting her at a bar during the blackout and we got drunk together and talked about stuff. She was nice, but totally different than what I expected her to be. She sounded kind of like a kid. She is probably in her late 30's, but has an odd voice. It wasn't high, but sometimes when she would pronounce a word with the letter R, it would sound like a W. Pwonounce. She also told me that early in the morning she likes to keep to herself and read, so I shouldn't be offended when I see her on the subway platform and she doesn't feel like talking. I was fine with this, because I'm not so talkative in the morning either. Or the afternoon or evening for that matter.

So the first time I saw her after that, I nodded to her and waved. She came over and talked my ear off. She talked to me all the time. She was really nice, but I didn't have much to say to her. I think I was just thrown off by how adamant she sounded about not talking to me in the morning, but then talked to me more than I intended. I almost wanted to say, "Hey, remember when you told me you like reading in the morning? You should do more of that. Because I like not talking. And not listening." Anyway, my schedule has changed and I never see her anymore. I kind of miss her.

There is this other lady that I call Sandra Dee. I've only seen her a few times but the first time I noticed her she was wearing this black leather get-up, which closely resembled the outfit Olivia Newton-John wears at the end of Grease when she gets all slutty. What was most shocking about this outfit was she was wearing it on, what was at the time, the most humid day of the year. It was disgusting. This girl is somewhat attractive, but because she is a girl on the subway at 6:30 AM wearing leather, judging by the reactions of every guy on the subway platform, she is the most gorgeous woman in the world. You would have thought Halle Berry, Britney Spears and Beyonce decided to walk naked through the subway together.

While I like to look at pretty girls just as much as the next guy, the reactions of some guys are hilarious. The ones that stop and just stare forever. I'd rather look at these pathetic doofuses and giggle, rather than look at the girl and think, "She's purdy." OK, so perhaps I like to look at pretty girls a little less than the next guy, assuming the next guy is one of those guys who bite their palm like Lenny used to do at the beginning of Laverne & Shirley.

Anyway, while all of these guys were checking out Sandra Dee thinking about what it would be like to have their way with her, I was thinking about how sweaty she must be in all that leather. I was already sweating like my dad and it was about 90 degrees out with 100 percent humidity. All I could think when I saw her was (avert your eyes if you are easily offended or if you are my mom), That girl must have the smelliest vagina in all the land right now.

I'm sorry, but that's the thought that hit me. It just looked so uncomfortable and ridiculous. I saw her this morning and she was dressed much more conservatively and barely got looked at. Poor ugly non-leather gal. So I looked at her and said, "Sandy!?" But she did not say back, "Tell me about it. Stud," and then awkwardly put out her cigarette with the help of Rizzo.

Not sure I had a point to this. I just wanted to write a story which would get people to my site by searching "Sandra Dee smelly vagina."

Mission accomplished.
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