Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Friday, July 16, 2004

The other night I could not fall asleep, so I started thinking about a lot of shit. I started to think about a conversation I recently had with my friend Matt, where we were talking about the president. He mentioned something about people calling President Bush worse than Hitler. We both agreed that Hitler was a pretty bad fella and that once you compare the two, you lose a lot of credibility.

Anyway, while I could not fall asleep, I started thinking about things the president could do to make himself worse than Hitler. I was imagining a press conference where he dismisses any such allegations, but then slips up and admits to doing something even worse. So I was thinking about the worst thing you could possibly do as a human being and came up with this:

Reporter: Mr. President, can you address the issue of people comparing you to Hitler?

President Bush: I think it's ridiculous this question is even brought up. It's insulting. Hitler was a bad man. Worse than Saddam Hussein. This press conference is over. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go rape some babies.

(Horrified gasps echo throughout the room.)

As I was lying there, I thought, That's a pretty fucked up thought, even for me. Yet, having the president say that would be somewhat amusing. And then I thought, No one rapes babies.

So yesterday I didn't go to work on account of my not sleeping and feeling like crap, so I got to watch a little Oprah. The first story they mention is about a wave of baby raping in South Africa. What are the chances? I watched a little of it and, as you can probably imagine, it was horrendous. Apparently, some witch doctors down there have told people that you can get rid of HIV if you have sex with a virgin. So these disease-ridden fucks are not taking any chances with who may or may not be a virgin, and going right after babies. It was a horrible story
And apparently the political leaders in South Africa are reticent to speak out against it because they are afraid of the stigma it will bring upon their country. First Apartheid, now baby raping. What a fine history.

In conclusion. George Bush is not worse than Hitler. He does not rape babies. Some people do rape babies. They are worse than Hitler.

All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006