Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Monday, July 19, 2004

I would like to write a movie which contains a scene between George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein, in which they gaze into each other's eyes while that Tina Turner song with these lyrics is playing, "I don't really wanna fight, I don't care who's wrong or right. I don't wanna fight no more." Then I think the background singers go, "It's time for letting go." That is when George and Saddam start making out. 
I would be interested to see what an actual meeting between the two would be like. I bet they have a lot of similar interests. Hunting or something. I doubt it would be the rhetoric they both spout out over the airwaves behind their walls of security.
George: You're a bad man.
Saddam: I am Saddam Hussein, President of Iraq. Death to America!
It would be more like this:
George: Hey Saddam. How you doin'?

Saddam: Not bad. You?

George: OK. You know. Election coming up.

Saddam: Oh yes, I know. Good luck. That Kerry doesn't seem so great. You probably have a good shot. You know, I received 100% of the vote in our last election.

George: Oh yeah, I think I read about that somewhere.

Saddam: You know, but then you came here and bombed me and now I don't have much say in the goings on of the country anymore.

George: Right, right. Sorry 'bout that, but I've got a job to do.

Saddam: No, no, no. I don't blame you. You had a lot of pressure. I didn't make it very easy for you.

George: Yeah, you can be one crazy bastard if you put your mind to it, heh heh heh.

Saddam: Guilty as charged, ha ha.

George: Sooo...

Saddam: So.

George: Any plans for the summer?

Saddam: Well, so far just jail and court. And then I'm guessing more prison.

George: Oh, right. Sorry.

Saddam: Don't sweat it. I did it to myself, what with the murders and the torturing.

George: Yeah, that's why I said all that "bad man" stuff.

Saddam: Oh, I know. You were right to accuse me of that. I'm far from perfect. Not worse than Hitler, but still pretty bad.

George: Speaking of worse than Hitler, did you watch Oprah the other day?

Saddam: You are saying Oprah is worse than Hitler?

George: Oh, no no no. She had this special report about men raping babies in South Africa.

Saddam: That's terrible. I didn't see that episode.

George: I didn't either, but I read about it on some guy's blog.

Saddam: Blog?

George: Yeah, it's short for "web log." Kinda like a diary on the internet for people to read. Go to I don't agree with everything he says, especially political, but once in a while it's pretty entertaining.

Saddam: I'll check it out. This fellow a friend of yours?

George: Oh no. I just googled "gigantic boobs" the other day and it took me to his site, which is where I read the Oprah thing.

Saddam: OK, well, I've gotta get back to formulating my defense. It's not easy. I look pretty crazy in a lot of these reports. With good reason, I suppose.

George: All right then. Take care.

Saddam: Say hello to your father for me.

George: Will do.

All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006