So I got myself a new phone. My old phone, affectionately known as "my cordless", has been retired. And to show just how crappy and weak my old phone is, I have taken a picture of it with my new awesome phone.



I've always been a bit behind the times as far as phones go, so now I feel pretty fucking advanced. Although my new phone is scary. There are a lot of things I can do with it and it makes a lot of fancy noises. And it vibrates! Yes, my other phone was so antiquated it didn't even vibrate. So now I am going to sleep with my phone under my bum in the hopes that someone calls me as I slumber and it vibrates my ass. Wouldn't that be hilarious?

This new phone makes too many fucking noises. When I turn it on, there's this gay little jingle. Same thing when I turn it off. I don't understand why I need the noises. I don't want to hear a chorus of angels every time I turn my phone off. I could do without the homosexual noises. Not that I'm telephonically homophobic, I just don't like cell phone noise in general.

This phone is also way too small. With my old phone, I knew when I had it on me because it was like a third leg. This new phone is like a paper clip. I'm thinking of gluing my old phone to this one, just so I know it's there.

I have a belt clip I could use, but I don't want to be one of those guys. Cell phone belt clip guys. I can put it on my belt right next to my shark repellant.

Side note: My roommate's boyfriend is here and he just took a pee. He always closes the bathroom door when he's done. Why would you do that? If someone else wants to use the bathroom, they're going to think someone is in there. I understand if you just took a crap, but dude, it's just your pee. How bad does it smell? He's a nice guy. A bit weird. And apparently his piss smells like shit.

Anyway, my phone. Whatever. It's a good phone. To honor the memory of my old phone, I'm going to call a lot of people and hang up on them in the middle of my conversation. It's how my old phone would have wanted it.