I didn't watch the Miss Universe pageant last night in Ecuador, so I'm just going by the photos. Here is my analysis.



"I have no idea what a war is!"



And now for the most exciting competition of the evening: Not Eating Anything - Ever.



The pageant took an ugly turn with the musical number, "Let's prance around like a bunch of homos."



Miss Ecuador offers a hug to Miss Republic of Fugly.



While Miss Spain points out a couple of other contestants to this Ecuadorian boy, he gets his first boner.



Here is Miss Slovakia during the Evening Gown competition. She was asked to leave the premises immediately and never return.



The pageant was marred by protestors saying that such contests are frivolous. Singer Gloria Estefan (who performed) defended the contest by saying, "A beautiful woman has very great powers to convince, and we have seen many misses who have done a great job." She then added, "What have ugly women done for the world? Nothing. For example, look at that little troll protesting. Yuck."



When asked what she would change in the world today, Miss Italy responded, "I'd like-a world peace. And I'd also like-a to put an end to the Olive Garden trying to associate themself with Italy."



"Hi. I'm Donald Trump. I own half of New York City and I've got me a hot piece of ass. How are you?"



And finally, here is your winner, Miss Australia. She floored the judges during the Evening Gown competition, the talent competition, and in this competition seen here, Best Rib Cage.