Even crazy people set their alarms.

This morning on the train, a man came in to let everyone know how awesome God is. He was annoying. Not God, this guy. He was loud and boisterous. Doing a lot of yelling. Normally, people will just let the guy go off on his rant and ignore him. I had my headphones to drown him out. Other people don't peek up from their NY Post or the Daily News. At one point he started saying, "I know God's People are on this train. I see that." I wanted to say, "Maybe so, but it's quarter to seven and we are all Very Tired God's People. Please shut up."

I said nothing and assumed that everyone else would remain silent. But today, there was another guy who decided to fight back. I'm not exactly sure what he said, but it was in the vain of "Shut the fuck up, you crazy bastard. No one wants to listen to you."

So the God guy then says, "Oh, yes, that is expected. I understand that. The devil is angry."

Holy crap! God vs. the Devil on the N train! And I was there!

So now God Guy is going on and on about lots of weird stuff. I took my headphones off because this was actually getting interesting. He said, "If you thought 9/11 was bad, you have seen nothing yet. The Bible says there will be hurricanes and earthquakes..."

The Bible sounds an awful lot like The Day After Tomorrow.

Anyway, the thing with these Bible Bangers is that they always start bringing up weird shit, then somehow tying it to what they deem as evil. The train pulls into 57th street and he starts saying, "We live on this Earth with all of this water. The Earth is round, not flat, you notice? And there is water above us and below and on all sides. How does it not fall out? Because God is holding it in."

Interesting theory. He continued, "But He can't hold it forever. It will soon fall out, because of evils like homosexuality and... homosexuality is evil."

That was all he could come up with. Homosexuality. So thanks a lot, all you homos. You are going to ruin our oceans with all of your depravity.

Memo to gay guys:

The time to repent is now! Start having lady sex! The future of our marine environment depends on where you put your wang! Won't someone please think of the fish!?!?