Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Monday, June 21, 2004

And the winner for worst line in the new Beastie Boys album is this:

"I'd like a lettuce, tomato and Munster on rye
All this cheese is gonna make me cry
Gorgonzola, Provolone
Don't even get me started on this microphone."

All this cheese is gonna make me cry? That is not very hip-hop. Actually, I'm not sure what that is. I can't point to any genre of music and say, "I could see them crying over lots of cheese."

This line is said by MCA. He sounds all hard core and cool and shit, but he's rapping about crying over dairy. I know he's made a lot of changes in his life. He is all about respecting women now, he broke his nine (as in caliber), he dreams of a free Tibet, he no longer smokes weed... but now he's reduced to tears over Provolone?

While I do give him credit for working the word "Gorgonzola" into a song, I think we've got to worry about his state of mind here. I imagine him sitting home crying through a Lifetime movie eating cheese.

Dear MCA,

It is nice that you are a sensitive fellow and all, but it's hard to take you seriously after that line. You have always been my favorite Beastie Boy. I would like it if you could never repeat that line, and instead replace it with one of the following lines:

Cheese doesn't go with apple pie.
Mike Toole is a really good guy.
Every Game 7 is a do or die.
You're not gonna find me in a suit and tie.
I like to go to Florida and bet on Jai Alai.
I apologize to Mike Toole for that lame ass line about crying over cheese.

Thank you.
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