Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Someone who goes by the moniker of "His Mintiness" emailed me recently with this challenge:

A friend of mine, in the spirit of making us think sexually about both genders, made up a simply premised game called "The end of the world". Given two people, choose the one that you would like to try and repopulate the earth with (key word:try, doesn't matter if you'll succeed). I'll start ya out easy, and work to the more interesting ones.

OK, so whoever this person is, seems to be interested in who I'd prefer to have sex with, whether it be male or female. So I guess I'll give this a try, being that I've got nothing else to talk about today.

Pamela Anderson or Carmen Electra

Well, I personally think that Pamela Anderson is one of the most disgusting looking women on the planet, so this is no contest. She's just too fake. Carmen all the way. She is a bit tainted from that whole Dennis Rodman fiasco, but I guess there's a statute of limitations on that. You are forgiven.

Charlize Theron or Uma Therman

Hmmm. That's a good one. I think I'd have to go with Charlize, but without all that bronzer that she was wearing at the Academy Awards. I like my bitches pasty. Uma definitely moved up a couple of notches since Kill Bill. She got hotter in those movies.

Catherine Zeta-Jones or Reese Witherspoon

I've never been the biggest fan of Reese Witherspoon. And CZJ is damn gorgeous. Reese looks like she has bad breath.

George Clooney or David Schwimmer

Clooney. I'd fuck that guy.

Julia Roberts or Julia Stiles

These are two famous ladies that I never thought were ever really all that hot. Julia Stiles could be any random girl you went to college with. And Julia Roberts' laugh frightens me. But I guess if it was the end of the world, she wouldn't be laughing too much, so I guess it wouldn't be a problem. Advantage: Roberts. But I'll take Cate Blanchett if she's available.

Tina Turner or Cher

Yikes. I guess I'd have to go with Cher because I've seen her recently and she doesn't look so bad for an 80-year-old. Tina Turner has been MIA for a while, so there is no telling what she looks like now.

Al Sharpton or Bea Arthur

Bea Arthur. Not only because she's the woman in this one, but she was hilarious on an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where she played Dewey's babysitter.

Oprah Winfrey or Joy Behar

Oprah. Joy Behar is one of the worst people on television.

Jimmy Fallon or Will Ferrell

Will Ferrell. Funny man. I've realized I'm not even thinking about repopulating the earth anymore. I'm just going with who I like more, and I really don't like Jimmy Fallon.

Martin Lawrence or Will Smith

Will Smith, I suppose. Here is some sample dialogue from when I tell Will Smith that we will have to repopulate:

Me: Hey Will. It looks like we are the only two people left on the planet, so...

Will: So what?

Me: I guess we are going to have to try and repopulate the earth.

Will: What?! We two dudes. Ain't no way.

Me: Well, we should still try. Come on, let's do it.

Will: Aww, hell no!

Have you noticed he says that line in every movie he's in? It's true. It's in his contract.

Nicholas Cage or Bruce Willis


Carrot Top, or the new governor of Utah (we'll call her Miss Olene)

I just had to look up the governor of Utah. I'll go with her. I bet she's a wild one.

Carrot Top or Michael Jackson

Why all the Carrot Top? I think in this situation, faced with either one of these guys, I would try to become inflicted with whatever it was that killed the rest of the planet. Imagine a planet filled with Carrot Tops? Not a pretty picture. A planet of prop comics and Call ATT commercials would easily be the worst civilization ever.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006