Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Thursday, May 20, 2004

I saw Nicolas Cage on my lunch break. Or Nic Cage, if you're fucking cool. He is filming a movie on the next block (53rd and Broadway if you're interested).

I've never been the biggest fan of his, especially when he stole the Academy Award from Sean Penn (Leaving Las Vegas over Dead Man Walking), but after seeing him in person, I know why he is famous.

First, and most obvious, he's a Coppola. Second, he's tall. That's it. He's a tall Coppola. If he was 5'10", he would not be famous. Even if he was still a Coppola. He'd be a production assistant somewhere, but he wouldn't be a leading man. So you might say, "What about Jason Schwartzman? He's a Coppola (Cage's cousin) and he's incredibly short." True, but he's a freaky looking kid and he's 5'6". So his shortness was used to his advantage in Rushmore. It just worked, but only for that movie. He'll never be successful in anything else (except for being the drummer in Phantom Planet).

But I must say Nicolas Cage seemed like a really nice guy. He was standing around and meeting a bunch of assholes taking pictures with him. If only I had a camera, I could have been one of those assholes.

But in conclusion, he is famous because of his lineage and height.

And there you have my Hollywood theory for the day. Stay tuned for tomorrow's theory: How Gwyneth Paltrow's naming of her baby was a secret code to tell me that she loves me.
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