On Sunday I went to my cousin's first Holy Communion. Not actually the Communion part and it was actually my second cousin (you sure are a stickler for details. Sheesh!). Anyway, when I was communed(?), we went out to breakfast afterwards, then went to the house where family members came over, drank beers out of a cooler and ate burgers and shit like that. My cousins must be crapping money, because they practically threw a wedding for this kid.

The place it was at was a reception hall where nice weddings would be. The food was great and better than many weddings I've been to. In fact, the whole thing was pretty much a wedding, except replace the DJ with a magician. I don't even want to discuss what they did with the garter belt. So weird.

I guess if you are going to have any kind of entertainment at a Communion, it might as well be a magician because that's as close as you can get to having Jesus actually be there.

"Hey, Mister? Can you turn water into wine like Jesus did?"

"Uhhh, no. But I can pull a really long handkerchief out of me sleeve! Oh, that doesn't impress you, huh? OK. Um, well, how about a balloon in the shape of a donkey? What? No, I can't make two of every animal."

This magician made a bunch of weird balloon animals and also a ton of balloon machine guns. Maybe not necessarily machine guns, but guns of some sort. Maybe space guns. Anyway, nothing says "First Holy Communion" like "Magicians and Guns." Just the way they drew it up in the Bible.

I'm looking forward to when these kids get married, because their weddings are going to have a lot of expectations. Not only will they have to get the best wedding band in the world, but they'll also need someone that can juggle the band.

Occasionally I make a joke on this blog that I feel I need to point out was indeed a joke. And that is the one about the garter belt. There was not one at this communion. At least none that I saw.

As I was leaving the Communion, I drove by a Ponderosa restaurant and saw this family walking out with a kid still in his church get-up, so I yelled, "You poor bastard! You are so poor! Enjoy paying off your college loans, dirtbag!"